Forgiving my own Suicide

As the last week or so continued on, I knew the time would be coming where I’d be, once again going through my last layer of deep deep ego (fear). I knew that I was first shown everything about certain individuals in my family, Jayem and Michael/Yeshua’s family. The intention of seeing all of that was to familiarize myself with what I’d be coming to terms with inside of me. After all, I think one of the first things they teach you on a spiritual path, is everything outwards is an inner reflection for whats true for you about you. I was riled up very much over the last few weeks about my Shanti discovery. What specifically got me was the thought of ego masking itself to play a game called God. To pretend to be Godly. I knew as the days went by that this Anti-christ/Satan energy, was really just the energy of the fear of death or ego and this is how I came to understand this more deeply.

It started with a conversation with God. As it usually does.

Me: I know hate is an impossibility in the mind of God. But what am I supposed to do when you tell me that there are people specifically with the purpose to divert people away from the truth in the name of God? If that’s the energy called Satan, how can God love Satan? Isn’t the truth worth defending?

God: Loving Satan, is the only possibility within the mind of God. What it is in truth that God is loving, is God’s creation(s). The creation for the opportunity to even have a separate experience from God on earth is a creation within itself. There is always love there, because in truth God can’t be anything but love. You as God, are loving the anti-christ energy and people who fully embody it for having the experience of choosing to live a life lived as separately from God.

So, what do you need to do? Be willing to be what you are in every moment, embracing satan. Be what you are. To realize that there is no satan in truth, just like everything else, there is only love here. So how do you move into loving satan? Can you forgive yourself for your own murderous thoughts towards yourself and others? Can you fully embrace them as they flash before your eyes?

God: God will always speak through you, and will bring the truth forward. The truth does not have room for lies and deception. It is firm, and it is solid. This is not unloving and yet it doesn’t need to be defended, it simply is. Many are unfamiliar with this light warrior of peace energy from God. Warrior, not in the sense of violence, but of power. That is why God has chosen you Jasmine as the platform to which the truth will be fueled through this world which is missing the love of God. You have always been my truth teller with the spirit of a Warrior Queen. Love is behind all of it. And love is P-O-W-E-R-F-U-L.

God: I want you to know that I am proud of your dedication, and proud of your commitment. And your greatest teacher of love, is the one who you’ve always loved as your person. He is your greatest teacher. Your Yeshua. Even now, he is there, loving you. And you learn by loving him in every moment, regardless of what he chooses for himself. You simply love him in what he chooses.  You are both coming home to me. Almost there beautiful. Smile more. I love you. I always have and I always will.

I’d felt such comfort after that message, there had been so much going on between Yeshua and his family, putting extra healing in our path so newly married. I really needed to hear that last part just for me.

And after hearing all of that from God, I also knew what would be next would be sitting with my own murderous thoughts. Was it suicidal thoughts? No, not in the traditional sense. As I stumbled upon Chapter 19 in ACIM and also reading Conversation 42 in HTBAC in our zoom group last Monday, I was reminded of this truth.

All death, is a form of suicide.

I snagged this Q and A from How To Become A Christ.

Q: Everyone that dies then has created a suicide death?

A: Yes

Q: They have all killed themselves with old age, accidents,sickness wars or whatever.

Me: So God, It appears to be my fear of death, this is that deep ego layer that’s been coming up for me lately. Am I right?

God: It’s really your belief or investment in death. What the belief in death is, is the ego’s last attempt to make God unreal or conquerable in order to try to escape the truth. For if death is real, how can God be? It’s the last attempt the ego makes as an attack towards God and is the energy that this world is entirely built on. God is eternal, therefore, God cannot die, you are me. It isn’t possible to truly believe in eternal life and death at the same time. Either ego is real, or God is.

God: The next few weeks, little by little we will be chipping away at your belief in death, forgiving it completely. Letting go of death, is letting go of the entire dream, the entire world, in exchange for the eternal world of God or in other words, The Kingdom of Heaven. You’ve seen the future vision of your own human death, and you are still afraid because you still believe that death, an ending to you, is possible. Soon, the vision of your own death will be lived out fully in your mind and by the end of that day, you will know if that’s to play out in your (Jasmine’s) future or not. But by the time you know my love, it will no longer matter to you one way or the other. Remember that I love you.

So Saturday night, I laid on the floor next to my Yeshua and he held me in a sea of blankets and boxes in his friends spare bedroom in Albuquerque.

Me: I just need to be held, not fixed, just loved. Please hold me while I go through this? And so he did.

God: Are you ready?

Me: I am.

God: Are you sure?

The knot of fearful energy was getting bigger and bigger in my chest by the second.

Me: I am.

I could feel as I laid there that in my body all of the letting go that I had done over the last two years, my home, my income, and even my kids didn’t come close to the amount of space that the belief in death was taking up inside of my energy field. The belief in death energy was indeed the energy of Satan. Not a “someone” at all despite popular belief. Just energy. I saw lined up one by one, Junior, Jean, Ryelle, My father, My step-dad, all the people in my family who had suddenly died within the last few years. I felt the pain of loss all over again, and then I saw in a way I never had before that their bodies where simply temporary vessels, and unalive. Their inanimate bodies were just being used by God. Their bodies were never them. Each person, I then saw the real them. I saw their energy, swirl around and through the room as I layed there, changing shape and changing form. I saw that energy giving life to another butterfly, or a rainforest. Giving life to another body. I saw the cycle of birth and death for what it was. It was a complete lie. Not a cruel one, but indeed a lie. A diversion of truth. A dangled distraction in our faces hoping that we believe in it. The cycle of birth and death was the birthplace for all fear. It was the birthplace of the fear of God.

I could see why it took so long to get to this level of truth with God. To deep ego, the truth of the invalidity of death that God would reveal was seen as unloving, and it would have been means for my ego to defend and attack had I gone through this sooner. Accepting this truth required me to be completely responsible for my own beliefs, and all of the stories that I had bought into about illness, death etc. It was only in my deep and ongoing close relationship with God especially over the last year and a half, that I could fully accept what I was being shown without any defenses. So I surrendered completely into acceptance.

As the blocks of death energy cleared, it suddenly left my chest and my body became feather light. Ryelle, my beautiful cousin surrounded the room, and circulated through my body. She was pure love. Saying, Don’t you see? I never left you. I never left.

Tears streamed down my face, but they were tears of relief.

As I moved into the vision of my own human death a few years from now, I embraced it with open arms. For it was clearer more than it ever had been, that it was not a death at all, but an exit out of the biggest lie, and in that exit, an immediate reveal of truth would be exposed the instant of my human physical death.

Eternal life….realized just like my Yeshua 2000 thousand years ago.

After Saturday night, for the first time, I truly understood fearlessness. I had surmounted my own belief in death. I understood what the Corona Virus is, just one of the many ego manifestations of fear. Fear that’s hoping that it will be believed, and adopted so it can continue to move through us and constrict us all away and from truth, keeping the hide and seek game from God going for longer. I could see all the varying degrees of fear coming the worlds way in the next few years through visions. They were all simply just manifestations that had been made through fear, coming to the surface for the world to finally see.

Look what we all made! For the world to show its true colors of fear, was a good thing. Now the truth of God would could be realized more than ever before.

The truth to choose love instead of fear, over and over again in every moment. It was my one purpose through all experiences in the world. To see me, the Christ everywhere I go. To realize that to look upon another is to look upon the love of God, regardless of their recognition of that love within themselves. My only standing purpose now more than ever, is to stand in truth over and over again. And its the kind of truth that I politeley remind myself of because this just takes so much, practice, or patience, or practice/patience.

So the truth.

The truth that there is only one of us here. And that one is one that doesn’t die. Love reigns on….forever.

You, the love that you are, the God that you are, live forever and ever and ever….and it isn’t scary…’s you, me, them.

On the topic of love, this is a message from the other day, from Michael.

The Christ You Are endlessly extends Love. And as an embodied Christ being, we extend that Love by seeing the Christ in all AND having the desire to nurture blossoming of the one in front of us into Christ realized.
 We know the path to that is through letting the Love of God come through us and be given to them.
Just the act of forgiveness to another offers them the Love that they might choose again, and for Christ.
(As well as releasing us from the confines of our limiting view of them)
So for ______ I was asked if I am willing to accept him for what he chose to experience and express as. If I Will Love him so as to give him the freedom to be as he is, AND most importantly-
if I am willing to forgive him for ALL and any of his expressions and actions Made from fear and limited creation.

That Yeshua, how I love him.

To die of all of what you are not, is to truly live for what you were all along.


Published by TheEnlightenedRebel

My story

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