From the moment I met Ken, we embraced, and I got that feeling. It’s not a feeling I’ve gotten too often over the last year, but it’s a feeling that I’d describe as, when you know someone knows more about you, than what you’ve shared. When you know someone can look at you and figure you out. A day or so later, Ken mentions, I want to tell you what I heard when you walked in the front door, I heard God say, She’s Solid God. Just to confirm my suspicions that indeed, me and Ken would be God bonding. Speaking that quiet language of God that takes little words and a whole lot of inner knowing. As a week or so went on, I developed my own nickname for Ken. He could hear the voice of God as clear as a bell although he’d rather crack a joke than admit that. His hearing was often with no human egoic interpretation slid in to what he was hearing. After a clear as a bell, God moments, I decided his nickname would be SOG, Spot on God.
The night before Shabbat, I said to him, Are you sure God hasn’t mentioned, who I was 2000 years ago? The way you talk, it’s as if you already know. He leaves the room and it must’ve been less than five minutes after my comment. Ken walks back in the room, turns to me, stands in front of the fireplace and says, You’re Mary. God just said, you’re Mary.
SOG strikes again.
A few days before the wedding, Ken once again, turns, looks and blurts out. I was Mary Magdalene’s sister, I was your sister, Martha. It made complete sense because that morning I had found myself reading an article about Mary Magdalene, and her sister Martha, the incessant cleaner. God specifically told me to click on that blog post and I found myself smiling as I read it. Let’s just say also that in this lifetime, Ken had a thing for cleaning, a serious thing and it would take a whole separate blog entry to describe his love affair with keeping tidy. We laughed and chatted about how things probably were and haven’t changed much between us 2000 years later. He then, once again, blurts out another drop of God……Well the only question is, who is our brother now in this lifetime? Who is Lazarus?
I got a chill.
I’m sure we’ll find out.
I found myself deciding to go on a walk/run down a road I hadn’t discovered yet. It was a road with actual civilization, cars I mean, so it was flat to some degree and missing the rocks and cactus that I’d come to know so well. I asked God, Left or right? as I approached the road. Go right. My running didn’t last long, since I’d been out of my regular routine for quite some time, so I continued to walk some/run some for about a mile and a half or so up the road. And then a bit of a distance ahead of me, I see a pick up truck. The truck was parked on the side of the road, someone got out and opened up their back door, I figured they were probably stopped to pee. and then I heard from G, What the car is stopped for, has to do with you. I figured as I approached, maybe they needed to borrow a cell phone because they were broken down, but as I got nearer, they drove away. And in the place of where the car had been, was a puppy.
A golden colored mix of some kind, definitely part German Shepard, about 5 months old or so. As she sat there and let her tongue hang out of her mouth, it was as if she had been sitting there, patiently waiting for me to come get her. There were no tags, and I knew there was a snowstorm coming in overnight. I figured if she was meant to come with me, she’d follow me. And she did. She trailed along behind me occasionally getting distracted in the dirt. I decided to call Yeshua who had returned to Shanti a few days before to come pick us up from where we were. As I waited, I knew there was a special name waiting for her that I would call her by. I figured God would give me a heads up…….
Your name will be…..your name…..It’s Lazarus! Omg it’s Lazarus! The name came in and the confirmation from God that indeed, I was holding my brother in my arms from two eons ago. Lazzie for short we’d call her since she was a girl. Ken graciously allowed Lazzie stay until we figured out from God where to take her to. Although the inner Martha I’m sure was having a harder time adjusting. But he cared for her like his did other dog, Prince Jake.
As Ken and I enjoy our usual morning routine of silently watching the sun come up, Ken says over coffee, We have a sudden guest arriving tomorrow. His name is Rockmae, he’s coming from Seattle and he will be here for a week. God had mentioned to me, that for me and Yeshua’s wedding, there would be “two witnesses” that would come to the ceremony. Ken was obviously the first, but I was stumped as to who was the second. Without knowing him, in order for him to show up suddenly to Shanti during that timeframe, I knew that Rockmae, some way some how, was deep in God too and would be the second witness.
Rockmae was a quiet, asian noodle loving, 27 year old God person. He told me a bit about his story, and he was certainly one of those: I was practically born awake kids I’ve seen in today’s world. He’s relayed that he was here at Shanti, because God had instructed him to be here. Within the first few hours of Rockmae’s arrival Ken and Rockmae go out to check out the land. Perhaps it was the next day, over coffee Ken says to me, Rockmae mentioned that he’d had a past life regression done, and it was shown to him that he was Lazarus. So now we had one big happy reunited family. There was no doubt that Lazzie the dog and Lazarus were sharing the same consciousness, split into two bodies during the same lifetime. And they both had reunited within a day apart from each other to be here for the wedding tomorrow.
After Shabbat and the everything that occurred, it felt like a new, warm invitation to be surrounded by the family that I had then and and had never stopped knowing Mary or God now. My brother, my sister and my soon to be husband. My God giving me the gift of God through family as a wedding gift.
As I also reflected on Spot On God and how he landed at Shanti Christo in the first place. Years ago while living in Canada, Ken/Martha had read through various sources that this land called Shanti Christo, would be the land where 10,000 Christ’s would awaken and birth a new beginning for the world. He gave up everything, and followed the voice of God to land into one of the two houses on Shanti land, that took a 5 year wait to get into. As I reflected on that, I was reminded of how since being here at Shanti, I was graced with the beautiful experience of watching people simply trust what they hear from God, and how that for them, even in tougher times, had become the guidance they wanted to use to live their entire lives by. Martha and Lazarus’ willingness to just listen to God and show up, and now, here we all were, reunited and basking in our love of God through each other.
A few days after the wedding, Lazzie’s owners were found and happily reunited with Lazzersize. Whatever the circumstances were, I knew that she was meant to come home with me that day I found her on the side of the road. Lazzie really did just appear to walk me down the aisle and be there for the wedding. Although as I walked, she was too busy sniffing piles of deer poop to actually walk with me.
Although I posted the wedding video in my last entry, I didn’t have instructions to write anything for a whole month. This is a journal entry of what happened a few weeks ago. The next few posts at least will be written in the same style. Me telling my story with a pen and legal padreminiscing on the last several weeks.
Writings from February 3rd 2020
I’ve been at Shanti Christo for about a week by myself. And then some interesting things occurred that clearly came up for healing since I’ve been here. Michael/Jesus/Yeshua and I had planned to go to Shabbat. but a few days before, without warning, Yeshua had instructions from God to fly in his friend Michelle and have her stay with him and they would both return back to Shanti Christo after 4-5 days. It isn’t pertinent to the details that I explain the in’s and out’s of who Michelle is. But she is someone in the HTBAC Christ Community that is a dear friend of Yeshua’s. I also knew her as well, and the three of of us share the same spiritual understandings.
The first night at Shanti Christo which was Sunday, Jan 26th, being in the high energies there, hit me like a Tsunami. As I sat at the dining room table listening to all the happy faces chirping away about their day, I felt this sudden unbearable sadness within me related to Yeshua leaving the next morning. It was clear that I still hadn’t healed my desire to lean on him. Going a year and a few months back, my entire journey, all I wanted was for him to console me, materialize from light in my bedroom and rub my back as I cried, reassuring me that everything would be okay. Now here he was, physically in front of me, incarnated in a body and it felt like, just when I find him, he was leaving me at Shanti for a week.
Around 11 that night, we went to the car to sit and chat to have some privacy.
In the dark I look down at the engagement ring that Yeshua’s spirit had told me to buy at the beginning of my walk on Christmas. I looked at Yeshua in front of me with tears streaming down my face and told him he had to take the ring off my finger, until I let go of my need to physically be with him. He said, I know when the ring will be put back on your finger, I’ll hold onto it until then. I could feel the week ahead of being alone would be me healing all of it. He held me in his arms and sang to me while he slipped the ring off my finger.
So back to the Christ Trio situation, I can’t deny that something appeared to be a bit peculiar about the situation of Michelle being flown in so suddenly especially from an energy standpoint. Here we were, me and Michael suddenly, reunited in this lifetime and just a few days into integrating that, Michael and Jazz’s lives were purely being used as vessels to continue on the chapter of their lifetimes called Yeshua and Mary Magdalene, and furthermore, those chapters fused together as one path, and one love of God to be shared with the rest of the world. And all of that was discovered between us as of….I don’t know yesterday? What it felt like was just a few days into that shift, poof, let’s bring Michelle into that energy too? It felt like that overloaded hot to touch feeling that a computer must feel when its working too hard.
For Yeshua and I since meeting in body mid January, our intentions and focus had been on complete Holy Communion, in other words a mutually shared oneness with God, through all forms, through everyone and everything. Although I felt a bit unnerved at the timing of it all, I was truly was radiating embracing Yeshua and Michelle being together in a loving and intimate way through Holy relationship at our time at Shanti. Pure freedom including Sexual oneness, that part by itself, was an essential ingredient to our union. To me, I was supporting what I believed Yeshua wanted, what he had made clear to me that he wanted at the time.
I should mention that we knew, Yeshua and I that there was another element to the healing that would take place in our time apart from each other. There would be someone, a man, an opportunity for healing to take place between that man and myself. The vision was vague, but that much we knew.
In the time apart from Yeshua it took a few days for me to realize that I was getting my own experience of a Holy relationship in the truest sense. The man, Ken, embraced me with such welcome, such love and support during my alone days on the sacred land of Shanti Christo. I’d come out to have coffee, chat for a while, and take long hours by the fireplace in silence, or sleeping, or spending time outside on specific area of the land; what everyone refers to as The cross.
Ken was there to share his story, and to listen to mine. He was married, and had been for quite some time. His story as he shared poured love, and also a deep desire to let his unhealed parts be seen. The part of Ken’s story that was mine to tell, was that he was there to show me something, and I was there to just be love and to love him as God. As we sat by the fireplace one night, I realized that there would be healing happening between us, for he was the man that Yeshua and I had seen a few days before in our vision. And that healing would be through making love some way some how. I let it go, and knew that it was God’s show. So if that was to happen, it would land in my lap.
The next morning it did.
Thursday morning, the energies of God had been surging through my body all morning that morning. Ken asked me to come hold him for a while, and as we laid there together in his bed, the presence of God surrounded us. My eyes gazed at him but it was God using my eyes to gaze back at him. My body moved to caress him, but it was God using my body to be a pure vessel for love. After that morning, in a deeper way, I had embodied a Holy relationship, and I had also developed a radar to sense anything that wasn’t one.
So a few days ago, Michelle and Yeshua arrive to Shanti, and I truly could feel so many loving moments that they expressed towards each other. My heart would sing, and open up, and feel everything shared between them, the way I had shared such moments with Ken just a few days before. But I also sensed something else, a different energy coming from Yeshua that wasn’t quite as pure intended. Over the last few days after Shabbat, Yeshua would wrap his arms around me, kiss me, laugh with me, tickle me, and then almost immediately after, turn to Michelle to show her physical affection, but it appeared to be mostly out of a place of guilt, and of fear.
When he proposed to me it was Feb 1, a few days ago, the morning after Shabbat. After he proposed, he then he turned to Michelle to include her in on the proposal. I even did too, I grabbed her hand. But afterwards, I could feel it once again, on both of our moves, it was coming from guilt. I thought to myself again, what is going on with him, and more importantly, with me?
When one of my moments of healing slammed into my face so hardcore, it was when Yeshua announced that he was again going back to Albuquerque, but he was going back with Michelle for a few days and Michelle would stay with him at his house. So in the middle of the night I laid there in the kitchen, needing space at that point, feeling feelings that didn’t feel in that moment that they were all mine to heal.
I realized that I had put myself in a situation of using Holy Relationship as an excuse to not have boundaries when it came to my Relationship with Yeshua. I also saw similar situations from my past. As the woman, I’d say okay to doing certain things, or going along with certain situations within my relationship because I didn’t want to disappoint my boyfriend at the time. I then realized that Yeshua was also using a Holy Relationship for this loose idea that within a Holy relationship anything goes and furthermore anything should go. And that isn’t what a Holy relationship is at all. I now had such a clear understanding of what it felt like, and deep down he knew what I knew.
A Holy Relationship is Love.
The love of God expressed through any which way that is necessary at that time. For Ken and I, it was one time of intimacy that provided such healing. It didn’t come from obligation, guilt, or fear of hurting someones feelings. It was pure intended. It was pure God.
Also, more clearly than ever, it came into my awareness that a Holy relationship has nothing to do with the shared activities, and making a shared life with one, one that you have to extend to every other being. The way each Holy Relationship would express itself would be unique. Sex may be a part of it…or not. Physical attraction may be a part of it… or not. It has nothing to do with with the shared special love between two human beings. A Holy relationship is the shared love of God, through each and every being that we are in relationship to.
So I laid there and watched the clock roll by to 1am, 2 am and I came to such clear mindedness about the whole thing. I love Yeshua as God, and I also love him in a very special way, as my person, as my fiance and that’s OKAY, I don’t have to share that. I realized that of course its okay to share special things between just me and Yeshua. Yeshua was hanging on to trying to love Michelle in a romantic way, because he knew that that was what she wanted and he didn’t want to hurt her. As we talked more, we saw more clearly how that scenario was an ongoing pattern for him in his life, of not being able to be forthcoming about his true feelings and leading down a path with someone because of fear of letting them down. He was hiding this situation behind the concept of a Holy Relationship without even realizing it. The time with the two of us at Shanti Christo had also brought much of Michelle’s past unhealed relationship situations on the surface for her to mend within her heart as well. But the details of that would be her story to tell. Although the timing of it all seemed so peculiar, it makes complete sense that all of this collided when it did, as we enter into a new commitment of engagement and marriage in our Holy and human lives.
I continued to lay there on the kitchen floor and everything left, all the sadness and all of the guilt I had been carrying about not wanting to share my human relationship left. Yeshua came in eventually to lay next to me and I poured my heart out to him about how I was feeling. I asked him to have courage and to tell her the truth about how he really feels. I cried, he cried, we both cried. I expressed to him about feeling we’d been dumped so quickly into the next phase of our lives, and we didn’t have any time as a couple to really process any of it.
We held each other for the rest of the night, and we eventually made it back into the main room that we’d been sleeping in before. We woke up the next morning to an even deeper level of understanding between each other and we were both ready for another round of being apart so that we could continue loving ourselves back into wholeness.
I’ll see him in a little less than a week when he returns to Shanti.
So all of the experiences I’d had in my time alone at Shanti so far in the last week, have all very much been centered around healing my need to lean on Yeshua. Now that we’d met in body in this lifetime, I couldn’t deny the sense of relief that I felt that I wouldn’t be on this journey of embodying the Christ alone. But everything I’d seen about the future, us traveling side by side, helping the world heal itself through the Love of God that we’d become, making a life together, and lastly the welcoming of our daughter Lucy, I had to let it go. I also had to be willing come March, to go right back out there and start walking across the country again….alone. I realized that it wasn’t my business to know whether thats how it would turn out or not, it was just my willingness that allowed for the healing of needing it one way or the other to take place.
As I knew this and healed this over the last week, God asked something of me yesterday, the morning of Shabbat that seemed off topic to my healing. I’d just gotten back from the cross, a ten minute walk to an open area with a stoned circle with a large wooden cross in the middle of the circle. The cross had become my sacred sanctuary within my first day of being at Shanti. In between getting back from the cross I heard, Its time to get ready. My hair was freshly wet and brushed from just showering, I even got really fancy and put some makeup on and earrings.
Just after finishing, I was asked to turn around and go back out there to the cross again. Hurry, I heard.
As I made my way through the rocks, the half melted patches of snow, the hills and the cactus, I heard from God, drop your bags here, your coat. Then, your shoes, then eventually, your top, your pants here, drop them. As I stood now stark naked treading through patches of mud and snow in 40 degree weather, I knew at this point what was coming next.
God had playfully suggested the idea of me stripping my clothes off and rolling around in the mud a few days before, and honestly I was all for it until I realized how cold it was in the Canyons of Youngsville New Mexico. Cold was never a favorite thing for me. I’m the girl that takes a hot cup of tea to the bathtub, and thinks a cold weathered vacation is just plain mean.
But I grabbed that first fistful of mud and slapped it on my freshly clean body, realizing there were more rocks in it than mud. I thought I could get away with keeping my underwear on, but no, they had to come off too. Slap, Slap slap. I just kept going, until all that fresh makeup I’d put on my face was covered in wet fistfuls of earth juice.
Now go up to the cross and lay there. I laid sprawled out in front of the cross wet, and freezing, with my face planted in the dirt. I see why I’m doing this, its because I hate the cold!And now here I am fully submerged in it. Naturally, I assumed I’d just patiently wait at the cross until Yeshua would come get me. I was sure that he’d be there any minute. Minutes went by, and then finally, an hour until I heard it clear as day as I looked up at the cross which seemed to be gleaming from the sunlight. I lay there and listen hovering over my own shivering limbs.
You are still needing to heal from your need to be saved by your Yeshua. Go home to him. Walk home to him now, and leave your shoes and your clothes. You must walk on your own, away from the cross like you did 2000 years ago.
It was my final moment, my final gesture, of really on the deepest level, proving to myself that I’d unhinged myself from any specialness between me and Yeshua. Unhinged myself from needing to be ‘saved’. I’d always known that I was always meant to save myself. Yeshua had always been Mary, and Mary, Yeshua. God was the only one playfully orchestrating this whole thing. Had always been me. Theres knowing it conceptually and then there was living it. So I lived it through every muddy step I took towards home.
As I took each step, I felt searing pain from either stepping directly into a cactus disguised as a bush, or rocks jetted out from the side of the mountain. And then I entered into a choice point. To either walking through the snow, or choosing the side of the hillside that was pretty steep, filled with more rocks. I decided to shimmy my numb body down the hillside with the rocks little by little. I’m certain a 10-15 minute walk had become an hour long naked one and ,mainly because I couldn’t feel from my knees down. Towards the end, the last few yards to the door, the snow was unavoidable. I tipped toed my numb feet in the snow and then decided to crawl the rest of the way.
Maybe about 25 feet away from the back door of the house I heard from God, wait here a moment. I kneeled down for about 5 minutes, finally surfacing and breaking the air with my fists feeling triumphant, but also feeling pain everywhere. AAAAAAHHHHHHH! I let out an all to familiar warrior cry, one I’d yelled out millions of times in my attempts to emulate Xena the Warrior Princess as a kid, and I admit as an adult too.
Just as I scream. I see him.
He sees me, smiling from ear to ear, he runs to me and lifts me up off the cold wet ground into his arms. He was there, really there. A week of healing without him had felt like months.
He gazed at me as if every time you greet your partner, it should involve mud all over their face.
You look so beautiful. You walked home to me, You walked home to me.
In that naked and muddy walk back from the cross, I healed my need to be rescued by him. He piggybacked me eventually into the house where he carefully bathed my freezing body, taking out every rock and pebble out of my hair, carefully tweezing out every Cactus spine from my tender feet.
I realized that just like my trek in the Mojave desert, I once again had walked home to him.
For Shabbat, I had instructions to wear white, Yeshua brought me a fresh white skirt and top to slide on. At that point the Shabbat crowd had already arrived, I suppose there were 12 people or so either there or on their way. Everyone there had been introduced I’m sure to my muddy naked butt before the front side of me. A lovely tip off to the way the rest of the night would unfold.
The days before going into Shabbat, Godvice had been that I would be fully embodying the Christ energies in a way that I hadn’t yet experienced in front of a room full of people. The night before, I was instructed to take Jayem and Ken aside to inform them of some of the details that I was being told would occur. I started it with something like, well you know that whole second coming of the christ thing,it’s an actual physical event, its tomorrow. The room got pretty quiet, as you would imagine, although it wasn’t news to Ken, he had been on to me since I set foot at Shanti.
As the sun began to set and we started the Shabbat ceremony, it began for me as Jayem led a meditation. My heads energy expanded outwards towards the entire room, increasing by each second. In order to allow for the energy to continue to expand and move so freely, I found myself doing two things. Breathing like I’d never breathed before, although it was now reverse. Rather than me breathing, it was clear as my lungs expanded and retracted back and forth that God was indeed breathing me. As I continued to breathe, I heard, Just look up, just keep looking up. I extended the back of my head so far that I was halfway off the couch. Although meditation involved 12 other silent people, I was unable to control the moans that were escaping my mouth as this expansion into the Christ energies continued.
Also by the second, I was loosing body awareness, the me, had become every thing and every person inside of the room and my body had become an afterthought. The room of people were visibly disturbed and avoided eye contact, with what was now the four of us, Me, Michelle, Yeshua and a friend of ours Linda. It then got to the part during ceremony where there was dancing and singing. At that point, I could’t stand. It continued to be God breathing me, and using the eyes of Jasmine’s body to observe what was happening in the room. As I watched everyones body move in different ways, I was viewing them with pure naked awareness. Imagine being flown in from another planet and this is your first experience with a thing called dancing and a thing called singing. And the best part that the God using my eyes to view the room, was marveled by the rituals. I turned to maybe Michelle with a beaming smile and said. God needs no ritual, ceremony or routine and yet look how beautiful this is! I appreciate the art, look at how their bodies are moving, look! It’s just beautiful, beautiful!
My chatting continued on into the silent time of Shabbat simply because no moment within the now, was attached to the past. So the rule of its time to be quiet now, was immediatly forgotten in the next moment. My short term memory was pretty much gone. God isn’t the best with rules and regulations I turned to Michelle and giggled incessantly.
there were 8 or 9 people supposed to sleep over, and only 5 of us made it to want to stay and I don’t think many stayed long after Shabbat. The energies of separation were still there, and yet there was a deepened allowance for everyone in the room to have their own experience, there was now a feeling of far awayness, of two experiences within me occurring at the same time. One was real, the experience of love, of God. And the other was a choice to choose something to else, and it was all so beautiful. I was overcome with the deepest respect for each person as God to choose independently from God. Their decision to exercise their free will and turn away from God, was hitting me with an expansive ability to accept that as it was. Even in that choice, it was still……all……God.
As I continued on having God view the world through my eyes. A noticeable thing to me was Yeshua’s energy towards me that night. I noticed for much of the night he avoided making eye contact, and avoided talking to me directly. It had been brought into my awareness through Godvice that we’d be having some sort of explorative release of darkness type experience that was upcoming. I assumed it would be the night of Shabbat, but I could tell that he just wasn’t ready to go there, neck deep into all of our dark corners within the depths of our minds. That night, it was clear as his energy would surge close to me that he was afraid of me, and it was clear more than ever that we’d be facing together later, the fear of God.
A moment in the night after everyone had went to bed, I was overcame by Mary’s energy. I turned to Yeshua and looked at him with a look of someone that’d been waiting for their mate to return to them for the last two thousand years. as I cradled his face with my hands, my voice was so soft, with such a melodic gentleness that sounded like a lullaby. My Yeshua, how I waited for you to come home to me. And I will always wait. Some of the fear in his eyes subsided as the energy of Yeshua came forth fully. He put his head down and laid his head in my lap. I will always remember who you are, you can always look into my eyes and remember who you are when you look at me. Michelle hugged the two of us and there were tears shared between all of us. We held each other for quite some time after that.
I wasn’t able to really walk, and it required the help of Yeshua and Michelle to get me to the bathroom. Once inside I looked in the mirror and I didn’t recognize my own face. God spoke the words that escaped my mouth next. God continued to gaze at my reflection.
Thank you Jasmine. Thank you for devoting your life to me. Thank you for surrendering to me, thank you for letting me breathe life into you. A few moments later, I could feel the energy of Jasmine surface up as if walking up to a microphone when its your turn to speak.
Still continuing to look in the mirror, I bursts into tears. Tears of overwhelmement, of joy, and in remembering how hard of a journey it was to get to that moment of standing there looking at my reflection. My life is yours, I said. You’re welcome.I love myself so much. I love Jasmine so much, I said and then giggled. God came through and giggled back. That sounded about right. It was just like the last year and a half of my life, equal parts tears, equal parts giggles.
As I stood there in the bathroom, it was so clear to me that Gods invitation was a revolving open one. The door to God’s heart could never be shut as God had always been there, through my suffering, my tears, my frustration and impatience. God waited patiently for my curiosity of God to naturally grow. And here I was, standing there looking in the bathroom mirror at 33 years old, finally with a curiosity that had burned into an unbearable desire to know myself like I never had come close to knowing before.
I had really fully come home, but more than that I had always been home with God all along and God patiently waited for my recognition of that. Thanks for letting me take my own journey G. Thanks.
The last huge moment for me of the night was finally at bedtime, probably around 1am, I was about to receive another unexpected message. I lay on my side in the dark Ben/Judas came into focus. Like a breeze that comes in when you open up all your windows in the house. Ben hit me with I love you. Every cell in my body started to vibrate, my head continued to expand again like it had earlier. I love you, I love you…. over and over the energy of I love you continued. The words that I had felt and never heard from his mouth for 3 years, were finally released that night. I could feel nothing but him, he was all around me.
Through my tears I whispered, Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, thank you. It was because of meeting Ben, that this whole coming home to God thing began for me. It was because of him that I was laying next to my Yeshua, united in our love and quest to bring the awareness of God back into the world through our bodies. I had waited so long to feel Ben’s love fully, and what unlocked it the night of Shabbat was the the love of me. Embracing fully the love of God into my life. That night was my home sweet home to Christ.
And now that I was home, now waiting for my Yeshua to come home too.
The next morning as the silently disturbed crowd surprisingly returns to Shanti for the next morning, Yeshua drops two surprises. He announces to the room that he’s Yeshua, more commonly known as Jesus Christ to everyone. And I was sure it wasn’t possible, but the tension and discomfort packs on a few more layers for the crowd. Then, he whips around, turns to me, and crouches down on one knee and grabs the ring that Yeshua told me to buy before my walk. The same ring that he’d slipped off my finger in the car a week before while I cried.
No poems no love songs, just….
Will you marry me?
So the Second Coming of the Christ had no trumpets after all, no white horses, and no visible angels unlike whats interpreted in our scriptures. It was a group of 12 people in New Mexico on a peace land called Shanti Christo, on the first Shabbat of the month. 12 people who turned away from an event that we’ve been reading about for the last 2000 years.
And, don’t forget the mud.
When it comes to God, we expect the presence of God in a certain way. More commonly referred to as a spectacle. Perhaps with Lightening bolts in the sky, and a big becoming voice that sounds like James Earl Jones in the Verizon wireless commercial.
Especially in spiritual communities, we say things like, we are all one, and yet when we look at another, how often do we view with our eyes God in all things, people and experiences? God is the next person that texts you to ask you to lunch. God is the woman that you open your eyes to every morning when you wake up to the sunrise. God is the essence behind what you would call ordinary experiences. Even in what you would call dark or unpleasant experiences. God is what you often would call worth ignoring or judging. Only when we set foot throughout our day with a heart emitting a clear signal of nonjudgment and neutrality can God use all events, people and experiences to solidify our call to come home. A call to drop the fear, the judgement, and the need to separate ourselves from others, which is us separating ourselves from God. When love becomes the focal point of our lives, not just when its obvious or easy, but in every moment, and with everyone, do your eyes and mine finally open up to see you, to see me, to see God, everywhere.
And when you see yourself truly for who you are which is everyone, everything and everywhere, the power that unlocks from the embodiment of the Christ has no words to describe it in this language, or any other.
I’ll be at Shanti for another two weeks or so most likely.
It had been a long, and therapeutic two weeks in the Mojave when Jasmine received very clear guidance from me. I told her to stop walking and to call Michael to come get her. Her surprise to how soon I asked her to be picked up was noted, many times by her.
Yo God,But I thought the whole point was I was to walk? Are you sure I’m hearing you correctly? She’d say over and over. Yet she could feel the energy as she trudged up the Oatman Mountain, pointed in the direction of Kingman AZ. Her surroundings were about to take a shift, and she knew that it would begin with meeting Michael face to face. She could feel it.
She had met Michael over the summer through joining the ‘How to Become a Christ’ zoom group and like two souls that have met so long ago, they could feel the closeness then that grew as the months continued on. He was the first person that I instructed her to tell in the group about her consciousness being Mary Magdalene, what I had told her that was to come for the world, and what was happening to her during her awakening process. She confided in him, and from the moment he merged with her energy, he saw the Christ in her, because he’d already known the Christ in himself so well for his entire life. As their love grew, Jasmine did a wonderful job of burying her love for him out of confusion. She loved Ben (Judas) with every fiber in her being, and yet she couldn’t shake the knowingness and the power of the love behind Michael and herself.
As she waited to get picked up from Michael in Kingman Arizona, it dawned on her that in her resistance to expressing her love for Michael, that she was not loving Ben unconditionally like she thought she had been. She realized that to truly love Ben, meant to also, truly love Michael. In the letting go of the temporary egoic love, the special love, only then, can the good, the God, the Holy relationship come in and be realized. The good can only be recognized for what it is when all else, is let go.
She sat in the bathroom with her hands covering her face and cried. Because she knew she had to step into her feelings for Michael and surrender to the love she felt with him the moment that they would meet in body just a few hours later.
As the first day went and they met with nerves and feelings of excitement flying through them like out of control fireworks, she came to me, more than once and she said, So God, what are we supposed to do now that we’ve met? Knowing the bigness of the energy and yet not getting any specific instructions from me yet. So I answered her.
Let your heart lead with the love you feel and surrender into it fully. Relax with him. Love him. And feel all of it. Let the mystery unfold.
And that’s exactly what she did.
As they lay in a sea of love day after day, both of them soaking it up like two lovers being away from each other for so long,
Jasmine turns to Michael in bed, and glares at him with such love. Tonight, God, me, we have one request.
Michael: Oh yeah, and whats that?
To just be you Michael. Talk as Michael. Tell me the story of your life as Michael. Just…be…Michael.
Jasmine had noticed how comfortable he was in the higher energies. How comfortable he was to talk in the third person about Michael, but despite his deep connection with God, and love, there was a layer of disconnection that she couldn’t help but feel. As much as she admired his devotion to the Christ within himself, she noticed that Michael was not comfortable as Michael, he was only comfortable in ‘Godliness’.
Michael looked up at her as if he’d wanted to hear those words his entire life. Jasmine continued.
….And from that space of being fully you, thats where people find their bridge of connection within themselves. To let go of their discomforts about themselves, to hide nothing and embrace all of themselves. Because by being fully you, you give them that invitation and it creates a bridge of connection from you to them. We are fully God, and Fully human Michael. God is both, God is all of it.
As tears filled his eyes, he looked at her and in that moment, walls with locks and deadbolts around his heart, came crashing down in one holy sentence of truth.
He looks up at the ceiling. That’s the one thing I’ve struggled with so much, is believing that Michael, and my story as Michael, that it is enough, that is worthy of love and recognition. That I’m enough.
They embraced for what was sure to be the thousandth time as he shared about his first love and heartbreak. Jasmine wiped the warm tears from his eyes as his heart expanded in embracing his own pain of the past.
Michael suddenly sits upright in bed and Jasmine sits crosslegged infront of him. The tone of his voice changed, his eyes seemed to changed, Jasmine wasn’t quite sure.
He begins to carefully speak and looks Jasmine directly in the eyes.
As you continue to come into knowing who you are, the love that you are, you will continue to be a bringer of truth, a bringer of so many many miracles. You will do much more than I ever did for this world. My Mary, you are so loved.
As Jasmine continued to look at Michael and he continued to speak, she could feel the energy, she knew it well. It was Jesus/Yeshua, so strongly surging through Michael’s body. She stared at his face and couldn’t tell the difference. Michael and Yeshua had merged as one. Michael was Yeshua and Yeshua, Michael. Suddenly Michael’s eyes widened as if he is looking at someone else in the room.
Ohhhh. His body began to shake and he collapses in Jasmine’s lap.
What. What happened?
Michael eventually regains his composure.
I saw Yeshua, in light form, I saw him, but it was more than that. I was purely in the oneness, I was Yeshua….As he continues to shake, He takes a pause. No words could provide an explanation for what just happened.
In the first days of Jasmine and Michael’s in person union, Jasmine spent time explaining in detail how the process of Jasmine finding out that she was the reincarnation of Mary Magdalene came about.
It all began with a past life regression session, and that unlocked something inside of me. It was days after that Mary Magdalene came in and I didn’t want to believe it.
Back in each other’s arms in bed after Jesus came through, Suddenly the tone of the room changed along with Michael’s facial expression. I have something to tell you. You know when Yeshua said, you will do so much more than I ever did, he was talking to me too. I’ve had hints all my life…but I didn’t want to believe that it was a possibility.… His voice trailed off a bit and Jasmine knew, without knowing what he was about to say.
Last summer, around the time I met you, I had a past life regression done too and… he looked at her. Jasmine started to tremble and she turned her back to face the wall in bed. He didn’t have to finish the rest of the sentence. She suddenly turns to face him. How could you? How could you let me go through all of this alone and you knew?God told me that you were Jesus and I didn’t want it to be true, when I asked you about it, Don’t you remember I asked you, you told me no. Why didn’t you tell me?
He held back his body from shaking uncontrollably with all of his strength for that had been the first time he’d said it out loud.
It was the first time Michael accepted, that he was the reincarnation of Yeshua, of Jesus Christ.
He lifts his head to make eye contact with her. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to believe it myself like you, I saw it as a possibility that I was unwilling to accept as the truth. I just…. didn’t…. feel ….worthy. Tears welled up in his eyes as he gazed backed at her.
As Jasmine laid there wrapped in his arms, it was now 2:22 in the morning, and they were both wide awake surging with the energy of God around them and through them. An uncontrollable surge of suppressed memories, of hidden sorrow filled the room. Jasmine was now standing at the foot of the cross, looking up at her slain Jesus, sobbing, but not as Jasmine, as Mary. It was Mary’s pain, her human pain of losing her husband so many years ago, of suppressing her own pain for the greater good. As it came up, she had never fully allowed the pain to consume her until that moment. Mary came through and gut wrenching sobs escaped her throat. Yeshua held Mary and rocked her back and forth as she sobbed. She cried until it all left her, the fear, the longing, and all of the sorrow of losing her beloved Jesus so traumatically.
Mary continued to cry, but for a different reason. As she laid in the dark wrapped in Jesus’ arms, She felt the presence of Judas surround her, and she became ridden with guilt and confusion. But I love you both and I feel so guilty. Mary buries her face in the pillow under her head. Yeshua turns to Mary, Even 2000 years ago, you loved us both and you were with the both of us, me and Judas. She looks down at the wedding ring that Yeshua told her to buy before she started her walk. She knew loving Judas and Yeshua and being with them both was the truth 2000 years ago, and that nothing had changed, she still loved them both, and loved them as one.
You have my blessing to follow your heart and to be with Judas in form if that is what your heart wishes. I love Judas too….I love you both. You have my blessing.Just follow your heart.
The two loves of all of her lifetimes had both played their parts in her Christ journey as Jasmine. Ben (Judas) had been the catalyst to coming home to herself, and Jasmine came home to herself through the healing that Ben provided the space for Jasmine to embrace within herself. Then Jasmine’s Walk in Miracles led her and right into Michael’s loving embrace. In his eyes, she finally saw herself as pure love, as who she had always been. Through the eyes of Yeshua, she saw herself as God.
She realized that in love, she didn’t have to make a decision. She didn’t have to choose anyone but continue to grow the love that was already present within its holiness. She chose both Judas and Yeshua. Both Ben and Michael. Where life would take her in body would be God’s Will, and yet what always mattered was always the love that encompassed no limitations and extended to all. That is in essence what a Holy relationship is. The extension of love behind all form.
As their eyes locked, their energies merged. Michael pleasured Jasmine in ways that were incomprehensible to her. She’d never been brought to a climax in her life. Not from her own attempts at pleasuring herself with her hands, or anyone else’s. And for the first time, she felt her legs quiver and her body brace for climax. She’d never came close before, and she realized that her first time of complete surrender was always to be in the arms of her beloved. As their bodies glided together expressing their love for each other, their hearts moved to the rhythm of oneness until the sun came up.
Jasmine looks at Michael with more tears filling her eyes and with such certainty, she speaks. I love myself. I… I…really really do. She feels a huge surge of energy enter her body and her body becomes completely lightened. All of her pain, her guilt, the weight of unworthiness, all of her fear, for that night, was gone. In Michael’s arms, Jasmine came home, to herself.
Jasmine came home. Michael came home. Yeshua and Mary became one. They came home to me by realizing that I’d never left, the love was always there. I had always been there. Jasmine’s Christ story ended in a love story. And yet, the end of the story is just the beginning of truth.
The truth of me. The truth that patiently waits for you to realize that I’m here, and I’ve always have been here for you, yes….you. Waiting for you to recognize me in all of the empty spaces within your heart that you will allow me to enter into.
The greatest miracle of all is but not a miracle at all, but the most natural, most familiar and most whole state that you could ever embody. Love is in truth the actual state of what it is to truly be you. It is the actual state of of who you are. There are no boundaries, and no limits to your extension of the love that you are. And being who you are, in Holy relationship with in truth, yourself, has the power to create worlds.
There is nothing further to write at this time as her story merges into the oneness of God. The place where there are no words, no explanations, just the embodiment of love. And from this embodiment, the being what you always have been, do the things that you call miracles occur. Michael, Ben and Jasmine. Yeshua, Judas and Mary extend their story to your heart as an invitation to join them in celebrating life, together, as the Holy Trinity.
Bits and pieces of stories, happened all over the place and at different times with different people. so this is me putting them all together. Like a treasure hunt or a patchwork quilt or something.
I had had some very we’ll call them ‘interesting’ experiences before making it past the Amboy area. after being weary and sick in the van the night before, I checked into the motel the next day to turn my room key and look inside the basic motel room. I look down once inside to see a brown pocket bible that had mysteriously landed underneath the table of the room. I run out of the room and check with the maid that had just cleaned the room. How could she have missed this under the table?
Me:Hey, do you give out Bible’s to the rooms by chance, or can I get a bible?
The lady looked at me as if to say, do you really think these construction workers out here got time to be sitting in their room reading the bible?
Her:No, we don’t give out Bibles to the rooms.
I close my Motel room door and God immediately says to turn the tv on and stop a few channels in. I quickly realize, its the Davinci Code right at the part where Leaigh Teabing explains in the movie that that the Holy Grail is actually Mary Magdalene’s womb along with the hidden documents that prove Jesus and Mary’s marriage as well as their bloodline of descendants. I snap a photo of the snowy dinosaur tv, that looked like it might play PBS and not a movie like the Davinci Code. Whether I was out on the road or in a musty motel room, a trail of miracles eagerly awaited to be noticed. I smile, appreciating the comfort of “right place, right time,” from the tv, and take my achey body to a million hours of sleep. The kind when you wake up with a soaking pillow from all the drool that escapes your mouth while you were unconscious all that time.
Well Hello to the Fear of God!
Later that night I had a visit from let’s call it an ‘Other Worldy Being.’ The being put it’s “hand” on my knee, asking permission to send some energy through me, but fear was in the way, and I started screaming like someone was trying to kill me, and of course tall, skeleton looking creature, disappeared.
Another memorable event for me was I saw the famous blueish white light that many Mystics from the East and West report of when going into the expanded energies of God, or at least that was the only reference I’d knew of the ‘blue pearl.’ I read about it recently and so I had been expecting it. As I watched it dance, the light almost spoke as if asking permission again. As if to say: Would it be alright to show you what you really are?You are me, you are energy. As I agreed, the light started to expand and once again, there I was, sheer terror, bloody murder screams escaping my big mouth in the house I was staying at of the Bushfire Ministries.
Moments later, I’m kicking myself in the foot. The expanded energies of God, to experience them, and to fully embody them has been the whole POINT to my journey, and it turns out I’m too chicken shit? This was new news and I wasn’t happy about it.
My Unexpected Body Gaurds
I will whiz through the adventures of the next day or so but in my Mojave travels I met Ken and Eliju separately. Both randomly saw me walking along the dirt road with the sun beaming down on my chaffed forehead and nose. Unbeknownst to me, Eliju and pup Lizzy would end up being my body guard for that night. We later approach a pretty okay abandoned building for me to sleep in and I was so sick still I was happy for the smooth cement rather than the tough rock and gravel. It was clear that I had just met another set of angels.
Eliju: Listen, I’m done driving for the day I’m going to park my van over by the trees just to make sure noone bothers you for the night, and if you have any problems, you come get me.
We parted ways but not before my dinner of champions offered by his kindness. A shot of whiskey, some cold split pee soup and a fruit cocktail!
Earlier that day, Ken saw me walking and was a hilarious character. He was someone I’d sit back and chill with most likely in regular Jazz life. His long hair and laid back carefree approach to life radiated around and through him. He offered up just about anything he could find in his car.
Ken: I just worry about you out here and I’m on my own spiritual quest too, and mine says to watch over you. Here, how about some weed.
He reaches across and hands me some bud and a pipe. I graciously accepted knowing I had no idea how to use the pipe it even if I tried. As I’m walking down the road the following morning, somehow Kens back. Ken: I’m back just to make sure you are alright, I figured you must’ve slept near here, here take breakfast! He Handed me a Mcdonald’s bag and we wave goodbye, Two gentlemen, two perfect strangers, with ears that were on for God, whether they realized it or not. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
The Angel Denise and The Bushfire Ministries
I make it to Needles and the Godvice starts full force. I knew that I had exactly 182 dollars in my bank account. I initially ignore Gods guidance to go to the Best Western, because I knew it was way more expensive, but after a bad experience across the street, I reluctantly go over to BW. And there she was, an angel at the front desk. Denise. With bright eyes and beautiful long hair, it wasn’t long before we were pals.
Denise: I’m so impressed with what you’re doing. God talks to me all the time and I just sometimes doubt if I’ve heard him right on some of the things he tells me.
As we stood there and she’d checking me in, God started giving her all kinds of instructions to take care of me. She was making a list of things to pick me up at the store and gave me a stack of quarters so that I could get finally some laundry done. When people hear God clearly, you can sense that there’s an invisible ‘someone else’ that the person is communicating with. And of course in truth God is our true self that we are finally just deciding to listen to. It’s just the most beautiful thing to me, to watch the trust unfold through the person. My heart was singing.
Denise goes on to tell me that she went to San Clemente High School for a year and a half which happened to be my West Coast hometown. Small world. And all about her 4 kids and two jobs with one day off she gets a week. By the looks of her smile, you’d never know she was working so hard to the bone.
Denise: But I admit, A sudden crack appears in her smile, I’m becoming weary.
I saw something new. That perhaps she was holding on to hope, and the bit that was left felt like it was about to leave her grasp. I’d met so many on the road with that same look in their eyes. That smile hiding weariness. Of course I had to contain myself and not say too much about what I knew about us meeting that day, but it was hard. So far, I wasn’t instructed to share more about all of why I was out there on the road, of why I had met all of these people out here, and that each and everyone of them had shared a miracle between us. And it would just be a matter of time, to see how that miracle would look in their lives.
She then hands me a paper.
Denise:I have a feeling you are supposed to stay tomorrow, I run the music program at my church down the street, service is at 6pm.
I had a feeling I wasn’t supposed to leave tomorrow either, but no other information came in about how I could stay cause I didn’t have the extra funds for another nights stay.
Back in my room with clean clothes, as the evening approached…
God: Go on to happy hour across the street, there will be someone there for you to talk with, sit at that bar and bring a peice of paper with your blog on it.
It was 4:30.
Me: But I just ate 3 hours ago!
God: Well, theres someone there for you to meet.
As I sat down at the bar with the piece of paper in my pocket, it wasn’t long before, we’ll call him ‘Ray’ landed next to me shortly after. Leather Jacket, kind smile, and inviting energy, I knew it had to be him, the person I was supposed to talk to. As we start talking, he had that same sponge look and way about him that Denise had earlier. What I mean by that, was he was soaking up my story about my walk and God like a sponge. I’d become curious about his story, because I started to see that people that were so moved by this story tend to have something in common which is an extensive amount of suffering during various periods in their life. It wasn’t long before Ray went on to share.
Ray: I was a millionaire twice over and lost everything twice, including my wife, she decided to leave too. Now I got this RV that I upgraded it and bought a bigger one but my girlfriend ended up changing her mind and not wanting to travel with me, so now I can’t afford the RV even. Hell I cant even afford being at this Happy hour right now, but let me buy you a drink anyway.
As we continued, I could tell he just wanted to hear clear guidance from God, where to go, what the next move was in his life, and in finding his perfect partner. I could tell that he felt like he’d been waiting on that guidance forever.
Me: Well what I can tell you, is that I was very specifically sent here to this bar Ray, and it didn’t make financial sense for me to go happy hour either. I hand him the piece of paper with my blog on it.
We laughed and hugged and parted ways, perhaps I sensed a glimpse of restored faith in his path even if it was a glimpse, it was a light that ignited in our time together. Like always, I had such a good time sitting back and watching the ways my body and mouth would be directed. Where to go, who to speak to, and at which minute to start and stop. Go to the bar now. It’s like being the star of your own movie, but you get to watch it from the front row with popcorn rather than try to do a good job with lines and acting. God was doing the whole thing, and this wasn’t the Jasmine show.
Next morning I woke up a little annoyed still no guidance on what to do after asking for a later checkout. It was around 11am.
God: Go see Denise now.
Me: Okay well Im going to go check out, and if theres a sign along the way to stay, send one.
I hand Denise the keys to check me out. She looks up at me handing me my goody bag of all the things she’d grabbed me from the day before for the road.
Denise: I have an idea, on my lunch break in a minute lets go over to my church, theres a house across the street that they are fixing up, im sure you could sleep there if I talk to pastor jim.
Ahah, I thought. That’s why I was supposed to wait till lunchtime at the hotel because it was all for Denise’s lunch breakso she could take me to the church. Now I knew for sure I was supposed to stay for the night, and thank goodness cause I was still a snotty mess.
An hour later, Denise got me set up with the house across from the church, and I spent the rest of the day laying on a dusty couch, still sniffling and feeling every erk and twitch within my achy body. Wow four days of being down. In times of rest I really rested and it looked something like this…ruff.
At 6pm it was time the service the energy of the church and drag my achey body across the street. As I sit in a pew, to the right of me I peer over to see Davinci’s Last Supper on the wall, same photo from the Hotel Tv playing the Davinci code. Just another treasure hun crumb to say: You are exactly in the exact spot of where should be right now.
In terms of the sermon, If you are wondering was it a traditional Evangelistic message, well yes and no. During the sermon there was the usual Christian interpretations of the Word of God that we all know so well. Yeshua/Jesus being the “one and only savior”, the whole human sinner unworthiness part, and the need to repent. The part where grace is necessary and is pretty much described as the Undeserved merciful favor from God to us human beings. With that said, As I listened however, there was a message of love, of standing true to being yourself offered and a message of going against tradition when God guides you in that direction. There was a theme of non judgement of your neighbor from one to the next and I could clearly see that in the way the people were with each other.
It reminded me of how words out of a person or a sermon may say one thing, but the energy of a person, a group or place doesn’t lie. Despite the spoken words, this church just like Denise, was filled with love. The love extended and continued on as I got up to receive a blessing from both Pastors. My tiredness and sore body didn’t want to I admit.
The experience had brought some salve to my wounds of my previous Christian past experiences. Their hearts were in the right spot and they weren’t shoving their message down anyones throat although they wholeheartedly believed. It made sense why I stayed the extra night. To heal my misperceptions.
The next morning, I got moving around sunrise, and set out towards the open road. I crossed the AZ border over the Colorado river, and I had an uneventful walk to Oatman. Except for the usual down to my last quarter amount of water in my canteen, and in perfect timing, someone would always stop to offer up their water. I hadn’t been walking as long as I usually did. It was about 3 pm and I could feel the signals from God to stop. I started looking around in the prickly Arizona bushes to find a spot.
God: No, walk just a little bit further youll know when to stop when you see it.
Then I see a bookstore.
God: Oh yep go on over there.I go in or try to. Closed.
Me: Okay see its those moments when you confuse me God, why would you tell me to walk over here to a closed bookstore?
I then look up. A trailer, missing windows a little bit up the road. Had I not crossed the street to the bookstore, I very well would’ve missed it.
I quietly approach it, pretty certain it may be on privately owned property and trying to be quiet on gravel doesn’t really work. I go inside the broken down trailer to an absolute shit show. the thing looked like it had perhaps broken down in 1985, the wood was completely rotted from ceiling to floor, and there was stuff everywhere. Ornaments, an old tub and a 49’ers baby seat. The largest amount of stuff was mice dung lining the perimeter of the entire place. Okay, well Im sure I’ll grab a another sign from you that im supposed to sleep here for the night, because Jasmine is pretty whacky but this whacky? this place is just whack!
I turn to the ceiling for the sign, DaVinci code number 3, posted right up on the wall Mona Lise, or in other words, the Anagram for Amon Lise, the undercover symbol of the unification of the Divine Feminine and Masculine energies, the union of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. It was most definitely my sign, I begrudgingly had to admit.
Well maybe the mice poops old from like 10 years ago and its super cold and il be fine?
yep no, about an hour later I’m taking a youtube video.
And, Ack what was that? I look down a see a couple furry friends scurrying a few feet away from my feet. I had discovered a new fear. ATTACK OF THE MICE! Yeah yeah the mice are God too, but I was still not interested in a rodent sleepover in my sleeping bag.
Okay so apparently, I have a fear of God clearly that I discovered a few days ago, and apparently I have a fear of sleeping with mice.I address my spirit team. Am I at the point where I’m able to ask for help yet from you guys?
See most of my journey over the last year, I had very specific instructions, that I was to lead myself, help myself, and endure everything MYSELF in my awakening process. You can say that it was part of my personal awakening contract that I set up for myself in this lifetime. To awaken solo without assistance initially. Which at times felt like total bullshit.
In unison they respond. Yes. After your two weeks out here, we can help now.
Me:Wow. So Arizona means I can actually and call on my team and you’ll actually help me! Okay. Yeshua. Especially the God fear, I need help with that. Also actually falling asleep tonight in Mice Motel.
Yeshua: You got it. You know you’ve got your ‘How to Become a Christ’ zoom group tonight, don’t forget.
Me:Yes, I almost had forgotten.
During the group, the conversation up for discussion was of all things, miracles, especially the kind involving total mergence into the oneness of God. The big ones, like raising the dead. Shocker. These miracles that I was well aware of were going to start to pick up in speed and intensity out here, deep down I discovered, actually frightened me.
In order for miracles of that magnitude to occur, the empty space within the mind of the human being, has to be, well a really really wide open amount of space. That’s how the Buddha, Yeshua, and all the others were able to allow these miracles to occur through their bodies. It sounds confusing a little so let me say it this way. In order to merge with God though your human vehicle, and have miracles occur like say, the dead reviving, you have to have a lot of empty space in your mind in order for that TOTAL God energy to surge in you like a volcanic rush.
And like I said, knowing that, knowing how empty you had to become, well, I was SCARED.
The leader of the group starts to mention something.
For our meditation now, this is quite a surprise but Jesus would like to offer his energy to anyone who would like to merge with him. He would like with your permission to come in and help you heal a fear you’ve been holding onto.
Surprise surprise. I ask for help an hour before, and here it is.
I lie there in my plank mouse poop infested piece of wood and let the energy wrap me up. I could feel the accelerations in energy, and Yeshua’ earnest gesture to simply be of service not just to me, but to all of us. I could also feel the hiccups of my own fear of the experience as the merge continued and the visuals of light started to flash within my mind. But the fears I had realized, they lessoned from just the hour before. I felt the mice fear completely evaporate, and as the heavy surges continued Yeshua starts speaking to me.
Yeshua: Based on the experiences that you’ve had at this level, Your God fear has been wiped clean.
Me: What do you mean, THIS level?
Yeshua: You will be faced with more fears of God you harbor as you experience deeper and deeper merging experiences with God. So I can’t heal what hasn’t arisen up within you based on your current experience. I can’t interfere with the natural progression of your process. But the fear you’ve been struggling with especially the last few days, if you are ready to let it go, it’s ready to be freed up.
I felt open. Not impatient to make it leave, just open. In that experience, it had given me just another taste. I knew this journey was about to take a shift into focusing in on energy work now that I had surmounted my own Mojave demons over the last two weeks.
God: Good morning Jasmine, good morning mice.
Me: I’ll rise, but I refuse to shine!
The next morning as I wipe the 5am sleepy from my eyes. I trudge up over, down and around the Oatman mountain at sunrise. And as I cuss and whine that the mountain was a never ending roller coaster ride to walk along, suddenly the guidance of God had indeed taken a completely new turn.
My team went from staying in the background over the last two weeks, as my tears were shed and my knees would wobble cursing the next step I’d take, to full blast informing me of a sudden course correction.
Me: Wait wait?
The entire trip, the entire being out here, took a turn that I did not see coming. It was my job to listen to the guidance given at that exact time and to be ready at any moment for a left or right turn. Had I known this new information two weeks before, I would’ve had a completely different experience out here in the Mojave, one that would not be as beneficial as the one that I had had for my own spiritual growth. Although there were a lot of growing pains.
So naturally, I wasn’t supposed to know ahead of time.
But what the curveball was in detail, well, I’ll save that for next time.
Update: Much has shifted, overlapped, flip-flopped around since I wrote this post at the beginning of the year. That is how this journey back to truth is. It overlaps with storylines and timelines, all necessary to hear at certain points in the journey. This journey of mine has become much quieter. I have not written much. Words become removed from being used as literal and are used as symbols to emulate a greater a truth now. A truth that really could never be captured in words or even emulated, so why write? I write for my humaness. My growth. For even at times, comfort. Written events of the past that create clues to my present. I write as an outlet. Not to teach but to express. I still do. God moved these fingers to write this now, as God wrote the following entry below.
This is for you who perhaps have picked up the blog within the last few days or weeks.
There was an ordinary woman. A woman that had a hard life, and at almost 33, she came to God with a sincere desire to want to know God. That desire sparked a very sudden, intense journey of complete human surrender over a course of 18 months. She couldn’t hear as clearly at first, but with each yes she gave to the voice of God, the instructions came in clearer and clearer to surrender to what she was hearing. God would ask her to give up things in her life. Every time she said yes to surrendering whatever it was that God asked, she started to notice a feeling. An inner overwhelming blanket of love that she’d never felt before. It was a love that she knew everyone should be invited to know in their lives. She knew that her purpose in life had to do with sharing this love, but she wasn’t told very much about details until months went by. Eventually she was asked to give up bigger things. Her income, all of it. Her car. Her family. Her City, and lastly her home and to become “homeless”. As she endured homelessness she was filled with the knowledge of why homelessness was a part of her story. God said, To fully know the love of God, what you’ve longed for, you must give up everything of this world in order to know that love. For the love of God isn’t of this world, and God can’t get in, if you’re fixated on false love elsewhere. She was shortly told that come the new year, she would start walking from California, and head East with nothing but a backpack.
On New Years Eve, she started the walk of route 66 from Santa Monica and walked and walked 20-40 miles a day. As her thoughts wandered alone in the desert, she knew what she was here to do, but she thought she’d be alone on her mission. During her journey, she was told to write and share her pain, her discoveries, not so much so that she would be understood, but more for her own emotional outlet and for her own acceptance of the journey that she was on. She was only told that she was the Christ 2000 years ago, and that she was here to bring love back into a loveless world. She was never told that Jesus/Yeshua would be with her in this lifetime, physically incarnated to aid all in their path of inner peace. To be united together physically, as they are in spirit. She didn’t know, until about a month ago, in January.
She has been in the desert at a place called Shanti Christo, spending time much in solitude. Michael and Jazz were married on the land on February 14th 2020. But their transformation is not over. She knows she is walking into a world that will largely not accept her. She isn’t here to be special or gain fame. She is here to just be love and extend that to all who will receive her. She sees her human self as a body that has become a symbol of God’s love. God’s love that she would like to share with you and have you come to know through her, until all of you realize her body was never needed to show you the way to what you already are. She awaits her and Michael/Yeshua’s resurrection. Through her patience, through her love of God, he and she will awaken the Christ. The Divine Masculine and Feminine will become one within each of them in God’s timing. And then…..they will be together as one within themselves and with each other.
To the Christ birthing within all of you. This is for you.
As I continued my walking journey passing through Barstow, I shoot a text to my friend Michael.
I keep seeing this grandma like character take me in and totally take care of me. Feeding me homemade soup and giving me a place to stay for the night. It was so real and vivid.
As I go even further walking the next day, I hit a town called Newberry Springs. So another no one in sight type of stop in the Mojave, population 3000. My legs and shoulders were doing their, Hey I don’t wanna go any further, song and dance. The sun was just about ready to set at 5 pm. It had been miles with no real civilization in sight and I assumed much of the same and to sleep outside still with no sleeping bag.
So, I do what I always do, I ask for a miracle. Surprise me, I say outloud. Make it something I just couldnt’ve guessed as I drag my half dead legs forward for another step.
And then I saw it from the corner of my eye, it right next to a broken down old motel sign The Baghdad Cafe.
God:Go ahead Jasmine, and head inside and once inside, ask someone, “do you know of any motels nearby?”
Me: Are you sure you want me to stop, I already know there aren’t any motels nearby.
Yep. go on inside.
Before I could get inside,I am approached by a woman that looked just like the vision I saw of the grandma the day before. Short, blondish grayish hair, 60’s or 70’s, thin build. She opens the cafe door and ushers me in.
My names Andrea, I’m in charge here, now I saw you just a bit ago out on the road, it’s about to get cold, get on in here. You need food, what can I get ya?
Me:Oh If I could just sit for a while I just ate.
Her offer didn’t sound like a suggestion, it sounded more like a statement of fact.
It wasn’t long before I had a little 4 year old little angel by the name of Emmy hanging onto my lap.
I love you I love you. She yelps. Her arms outstretched and her twinkly eyes and smile giving me just the medicine I needed for the day.
As I soaked up the warm heat on blast above my face, We played games on my phone and I gave her a little mini glittery wallet to keep as a gift.
Andrea was a take no nonsense kind a lady and she also had a heart of gold. It was obvious she felt most comfortable taking care of others, and I knew her taking me in that moment away from the freezing night temperatures outside, was nothing short of miracle.
Andrea:I’ts not much, but I’ve got a broken down trailer in the back of here, I’ll ask the night manager Gilbert for an extra blanket, that way you aren’t on the cold ground for the night.
She introduced me to Gilbert, A kind, older gentleman that had such a gentle essence to him. I knew I was in safe company.
Gilbert: Oh sure yeah I’ve got a sleeping bag for ya.
As the evening went on, Andrea and the rest of the crew left for the day, but not before pulling me aside, and telling how worried she was me being out here all alone, and sliding me 30 dollars. Bless her heart.
It was just me, Gilbert and the restaurant.
Gilbert: Now I’m not a weirdo or anything like that so you don’t have to worry I’ll leave you be, but I have an extra couch bed set up in my trailer, it’ll be much warmer and comfier rather than sleeping in that broken down trailer. I’d like to offer it to you.
I wasn’t about to say no.
As we wound down for bed, Gilbert told me a little history about the place along with Andre. This was where the Baghdad Cafe was filmed. This place is world famous, and We get visitors from all over the world but the winter is the slow season. We all aren’t all related here but its like one big family here.
Me:Andrea is just so kind.
And, as if an unseen force planted the words in his mouth.
Gilbert: Yeah, everybody actually has a nickname for Andrea. They call her Grandma.
Grandma, I thought. The woman from my vision the day before. There it is.
As I laid in bed, I could feel the high energies of God surge around and through my body as they always did whenever a miracle like this would happen. Each time something out of this world, something that made no logically sense from a human perspective would take place, like this, it undid my investment, my beliefs in this world just a little bit more. What I mean by that is what just happened, me ending up at this Cafe at sunset and taking in by a bunch of strangers, defied the laws of space/time. If this was possible, once again, it opened up my awareness just a crack more, that anything was.
Throughout the night I could feel the starts of a chest cold coming in. The kind where when you cough you lungs burn, making it hard to cough anything up from the tightness.
The next morning I went on my way, but not before grabbing a Baghdad Cafe T-shirt that I planned to rock for the rest of my journey and snapping some photos. You’re my man Gilbert, you’re an Angel.
As I set foot towards Ludlow. I knew I was entering about 30 miles of really nothing in sight. I could feel the shakiness from my body being busy working on tackling my new cold. A dripping nose in the middle of a Mojave mini sandstorm, isn’t fun incase you were wondering.
Me: I don’t know God, I’m not feeling too confident about today’s journey. About 15 miles in and I’d been out for a while, meaning I was going slowwwww. I’d had it. tears, talking to God and a lot of breaks.
Me: Okay I’ll make it to that 3rd pole up ahead, and then I’ll stretch.
God: Once you get to Ludlow, rest for two nights there.
I wasn’t about to disagree but Ludlow still felt a million years away from where I stood.
I had been counting the cars on the road that I’d seen in the last several hours, about nine. Just me and the Mojave desert, and a sunburn I’d started to rock because I was too exhausted to search for my sunscreen.
Me: Okay God, Needing a miracle. With being sick, give me a green light to catch a ride for the rest of the way to Ludlow as long as its okay with you, I’ll take it.
Not long after I see an army type truck, pass by.
God: They are gonna turn back around.
Sure enough, a quarter mile up the road and they turn back around.
The driver rolls down his window.
Ben: Hey! I’m Ben and this is Timmy. Would you like a pork sandwich?
Me: Why not!?
I figured they had a rewrapped sandwich that they’d hand me and go on their way. Well not exactly.
Ben pulls over and starts unloading full camp gear.
Ben: We just got back from camping for two days. You sit in this chair and we’ll set it all up.
Chairs, a table, and a skillet filled with pork later, we were in the middle of the Mojave, the three of us, enjoying a full feast.
Timmy was a bit quieter than Ben. Ben was originally from NC but lived in Monrovia. Married, and a father to 3, the youngest being in high school. Every minute, he’d have his hand out offering me something.
Here’s some chips, have some Oreos, take these waters and bananas for the road.
I knew it was half because these wonderful men I’d met along the way just couldn’t wrap their minds around a 33 years old woman staying alive and safe while walking 3000 miles to the other side of the country alone. But these random acts of extending themselves to me was clearly one thing.
After some back and forth considering the guys were headed in the opposite direction. Ben offered to take me the remaining 7 miles or so to Ludlow.
The sun was setting, and I wasn’t about to say no.
I couldn’t help but imagine a hot bath and snuggling up in a warm bed, for the night.
Ben hands me the rest of his CBD mints as a parting gift.
Me: You’re angels.
I hug them both and land at the only motel in Ludlow, The Ludlow Motel, Naturally.
I approach a woman at the counter and I wearily inquire about a room. Oh we are all full, there are no keys on the board, that means theres no rooms.
I could feel the familiar surge of tears do its best to join me, so I become very still and wait for the next set of instructions.
Me: this is all part of the fun Jazz all part of the fun. what will happen next?
God: Its okay, just go across the street see that diner. Go ahead and sit at the counter and order a coffee.
Yea the Ludlow cafe, okay.
So I do and hop up to the barstool at the counter. and within minutes I meet the waitress Vanessa, as well as Sean, and Robert.
As it was slow, Vanessa had a text book out on the counter.
Me: whatcha studying?
Vanessa: Oh it’s Criminal Law but this is my last class to get my associates in Science. After this I’m moving to Texas with my boys and I’m thinking about this ultrasound tech program once I get there. With my husband passing away a few years back, theres nothing really keeping me here anymore, I’m ready to start fresh.
It was amazing how open and willing people are to share their story so quickly from hello. I had experienced that over and over these last 9 days.
Sean overhears us, Hey I saw you on the road earlier, Sean points to me.
I told them a bit about my story, the God part, the walking across the country part. I kept it simple, as I’m usually told to do so far.
Me: Yeah so anyway, the Motel is totally booked, so if its alright I’ll hang here for a while.
Sean: Ya know what, you see that Mechanic shop there, he points across the parking lot. He has a van that someone was using to sleep in, but they left the van. I’m sure he’d let you sleep there for the night.
Are you serious?
Totally, let me go talk to him.
As if they day couldnt get any better…
Vanessa: By the way, your breakfast is on the house.
Robert: And, this cafe closes at 6pm Robert chimed in. But you see that trailer across the street? If you need a bathroom, I run that trailer you are free to use the bathroom at anytime during the night.
I waved them goodbye and head over to the mechanic shop.
Me: Hi. I’m looking for AL?
Al: Thats me! You wanna sleep in the van, no problem, stay as long as you want! Heres some wet ones if you wanna wipe down, theres a seeping bag, and bed in the van so you should stay pretty warm. Take this flashlight and here’s a couple beers.
wow Cbd and beersfrom different sources in the same day. Talk about a new kind of miracle.
As I lay in bed with more surges of energy again floating through my body. This trip wasn’t about getting from Ca to NJ as fast as I could at all and I’d always known that. It wasn’t about traveling prepared, with all kinds of camping gear etc. It was about being in state of complete vulnerability for the world to embrace me if they chose to. It was about the miracles that would occur. The miracles that would occur through everyone I’d meet along the way. Ed, Andre, Gilbert, Ben, Vanessa, Al and the rest of them, they shared something in common whether they were aware of it or not. Their hearts were open to the truth of who they are. The truth that theres only one of us here. and, its God. God using our bodies to move us to help the next person in need.
After my beers, I laid down with my tears of gratitude until I passed out. I was back to staring at the ceiling of a car under completely different circumstances. After my day it was just another day of the obvious. That there indeed is only one of us here….and….. it’s God.
I started my day 2 days ago in San Bernardino, and walking towards what I thought was the Cajon Pass. Well fifteen miles in the wrong direction, I ended up on 38 going to the mountain pass of Big Bear. But let me tell you, there were Orange Groves, and I played in them, and ate some oranges. It was Marvelous. But I was still pretty Blah by the time I realized I was lost.
My phone had no service, and I decided that I wouldn’t walk another mile in either direction, and what a great time it is to ask for a miracle. I thought.
Alright God, I totally get the meaning of getting lost. The Orange Groves I saw along the way were just breathtaking. But now, I’d like a ride back to where I’m supposed to be. A ride from a persons whose energies will have good intentions for me. Send him my way
As I stand there on the side of the road, with no cell service, I decided it was a great time to rearrange my book bag. Within 2 minutes of my miracle request, A man on a AV go cart type thingy rides up next me.
Hey, you okay, you need a ride somewhere?
His appearance was innocently scruffy, as if he’s been working hard as a mechanic or something all day, and I felt his energy. It was pure, warm, and loving. I looked behind him to see 3-4 kids riding a long with him on Av’s.
Ed: I’m taking the kids riding for a bit, and I’ll be back in 30 if you want to get some rest in my truck right there, its open.
Ayo on that timing God.
As Me and Ed get chatting on the way to the Cajon pass, it turned out he worked at a Unitarian Church.
How perfecta miracle indeed.
We stop at the Mcdonalds. by the 15 at the Cajon pass, going to Victorville.
I don’t know how to get you to rte 66 over here because its so rundown and broken up on this side.
Are you sure you don’t want a ride over the Cajon pass?
I heard Gods instructions, they were clear.
No, thats okay, thank you. The human part of me feeling like I was kicking myself in the nuts by passing up a 20 mile ride to my destination.
I buy him an ice cream cone to say thank you.
Here Ed, this is for you.
He smiles and takes a big slurp and gives me a big bear hug. The ice cream cone hanging onto his beard.
Jazz, your story, and what you’re doing, it had an impact on me, It gave me hope that there are still good people out there, thank you.
I felt the warmth from that and gave him one last hug. It was clear that getting lost for fifteen miles, was all to meet this man. I set out for more mystery feeling the tests weren’t over for the day.
As I approach the 15, looking for a street to possibly pararell the 15 to Victorville, I see nothing but the 15 at the Cajon Pass.
Go on, start walking on the freeway. Your destination is Victorville.
But its illegal to walk on the freeway. I’m sure of it, are you SURE about this, is this ego talking?I could die ya know.
No, just walk on the freeway till further notice.
I look up at the sky. 4pm, one hourish before sunset. I had become very familiar with the dance of the sun through out the day being outside all day.
What if someone has a gun? What if they drag me in the car?
All natural human fears that most people would have walking along a freeway especially as a female.
I land on the freeway and feel the fear. Heavy heavy fear. I see visions of person after person, stopping on the road to ask if I’m okay. And many people stop to see if I’m okay in realtime, and I politely wave them off.
You can ask for a ride now.
Wait what? I thought I’m to walk and not get rides?
Oh its more about what will happen on this trip not so much about whether you walk the whole way.
The next person that stops, you can say yes to getting a ride.
The information I had just heard to say yes to a ride in that moment, didn’t feel quite right. It felt more like a thought, rather than info from God. But when your body is sore, and you’re on your 25th mile of walking for the day, I without realizing it, just assumed it was correct information when it was really EGO, trying to trick me.
Within a minute someone else pulls over.
I could feel his surges of energy in my body as he rolled down his window. His energy was not evil or anything like that, but it wasn’t like Ed’s, it didn’t feel like energy I’d want to get into a car with.
And yet I’d just heard, the next person that pulls over, say yes to a ride?Well, he’s the next person. So now, I was confused. I figured if it was wrong information and I shouldn’t go with him, I’d get a sign, to not get in the car.
Hey you need a ride?
I stutter, to Victorville only if you are going that way.
I said it half confused, cause it just seemed like something was off.
He gives me a sneaky smile like we shared some secret together or something.
Oh, you looking to make some quick cash?
You want to take care of this for me?
He proceeds to unbuckle his pants,
My hearts racing now, the sun is just about set.
I wave him off and profusely shake my head.
NONo NO NO. I’m good!
He speeds off in a hurry, and I feel the wave of the fear of my worst case scenario leave me.
That’s exactly it, this whole thing was a fear I had played in my mind a million times before stepping out on this journey. Being accosted by someone in a deserted area with no help in sight. Or, being hit on the freeway.
I realized I had just healed one of my largest fears being out here. I immediately felt the surge of energy that had been tied up, zoom out of me.
Another thing Jasmine. The ego you made is here to test your devotion to me. That advice to hop into the next car that pulled over was NOT God.
You’ll always know by the way you FEEL. You can feel in the advice of the peace of God even if its something that you as a human don’t want to do, you can FEEL that is the right thing to do by the amount of peace you FEEL. Always listen to the feeling first behind the words.
Within 10 minutes, highway patrol is pulled up next to me.
I found myself in a cop car for the first time, kinda like a little kid on a trip to the Please Touch Museum. cool!
I wasn’t in trouble, he was just getting me off the freeway.
There is a road that runs parallel to the freeway called Mariposa and it goes all the way to Victorville. I’ll take you to that road.
I’m not sure how many miles it had been by the time I was done, but it was 9pm by the time I had a room, and I assumed that the next day would be an easy 20 mile day with a hotel room at the end of the day.
I was very very wrong.
The next set of death tests were presented the next day. All stuff needing to be healed once again.
I woke up, check my account baclance $50 or $60 dollars, I knew that I needed to eat, and after Victorville anyway, there may not be hotels for a while.
I start my walk very cheerful, passing church after church, and feeling ready for the day as the sun rises up between the mountains.
10 hours later around 5pm, there was nobody. I was in a town called Hodge, population 1,100 30 miles from where I had started in the morning in Victorville.
I’m just surprised. I’m suprised that after getting lost yesterday, the freeway, a 40 mile plus walk that this would be the next day.
I start to cry, more like sob.
Yeshua/Jesus, I need you, Judas I need youto help me.
More tears, more sobs.
Yeshua and Judas in consensus reply back. This is the part Jasmine, that you must do on your own. We are here. You don’t need anything outside of you to realize God. You are it. You are your own help.
It was loving, but very firm.
I just feel like my whole life I’ve had to be the tough one, the one to be in charge and take care of all of it and everyone. I just thought that after Peru being so challenging I would get this grande finale experience of something that sounded like: let me take a load off you, put your feet up boo. I thought I’d healed most of my shit. I guess not.
So, I ask in that moment for another miracle. Here’s how I worded it.
Send me someone or something to let me know at least that even though you cant help me, send me comfort.
2 minutes later in the dark a young man not looking like he belonged to a town of 1000 pulls his jeep over.
You lost you okay, you need a ride?
No I’m okay thank you. Knowing I was supposed to walk.
Well hey, take a bottle of water.
I perk up a bit as her reaches behind him for the water. He hands it to me and I look up to see what hes wearing.
A Philadelphia Eagles hat and jersey all decked out in party beads. I look down at my Philly Drexel U sweater
He I’m from Philly, what are the odds, theres no one out here! where you’d come from?
We laugh, and he goes on his way.
In truth, I knew exactly where’d come from. I’d been sent a little comforter, a little miracle to help soothe me.
By 6:30, I couldn’t walk anymore. My body was locking up from the cold and I could feel the aches and pains from all the lactic acid build up. there seemed to be about one house every quarter mile.
If I pick a desolate area to sleep where you cant see me from the road, then no one will bother me. I thought.
I get the confirmation from God that that’s okay and I go off to the side and down a bit so that if you were driving by you couldn’t really see unless I stood up.
I found 3 large tumble weeds creating a perfect triangle for me to sleep between. I throw on all my layers, gloves face mask and socks, and find my emergency sleeping bag which is a sheet of metalic paper. I lay down on the cold rocky ground, sweeping as many pebbles away as I could, still crying but feeling a little more comforted. I look up.
The sky caught my sobs dead in my tracks. The moon and stars was illuminating the tumble weeds around me like a night light. I lean my head up to look around, beyond my bushes just wide open space and the open sky.
I lay there with an aluminum sheet wrapped around me pretending to be an emergency sleeping back, with moments of talking, moments of feeling afraid that I was all alone in the dark, and other moments of maybe falling asleep. I feel the presence of God all around me and through me. One of those nights were you say, “Oh I didn’t sleep at all.” Because it felt like it but most likely you weren’t lying there for eight hours straight. I was often woken up by the train passing by, and someones roosters, that yelled all night.
Cock a dooddle doooooo!
Around 1 am, I had to pee. that was the worst. Trying to readjust my body back into warmth after getting out of my cocoon. I felt my clothing, my sweater and socks were pretty wet. I guessed it was from the condensation of sleeping in aluminum foil all night.
I was all cried out by the time I fell asleep, and I woke up to the crack of light hitting the sky.
It’s morning? I’m still alive? I made it? It’s really morning?
I reach over for my water bottle. Frozen.
I grab the front of my book bag and my shoes and a layer of frost were on both. I take my had out of my glove just for a few minutes and I could feel the pain and redness start from the cold.
Another fear of mine had been sleeping outside, especially in the cold. Despite my exhaustion, once again I feel the surge of energy that was tied up from the fear come back. My body had nothing left, but my mind was healed from the fear. And now I felt that it was time for Jasmine to whine some about what to do next.
Its now 6:30 am. With still no money and miles away from the next stop, Barstow. I was hungry, my back was sore from my backpack and I was still very sleepy. I also heard no further instructions other than, get to Barstow. Considering I didn’t have any money, my guess was I’d be walking till I dropped again and sleeping outside for round two.
I feel like I healed that fear, but if I gotta do it again, I will.
I trudged along, less tears, but with a lot of breaks. The sun seemed cooler to me than it had in the preceding days and I realized it was because I was elevated by 2000 feet.
Along my arrival to Barstow, I walk another 7 miles to the area where the hotels are. God says to check my paypal before moving through the area with hotels. I do and my dear friend Michael from my zoom group How To Become A Christ, had sent me money for a hotel and I didn’t even realize it. And it was a good thing that I hadn’t checked, because it would’ve changed my ability to heal what I needed to heal, plus there weren’t any hotels near me the day before to walk to.
I laugh. What a show!
Death is simply not possible.
I realized that I truly was willing to die for this journey, for coming home to God, in full knowing that life is eternal. And in order to let God in fully, living those words was a requirement on this journey. I realized each step I took physically, I took a step mentally too. I knew I hadn’t healed the death death completely, but it was a start.
All of this death fear stuff was covering my awareness of the Kingdom of Heaven. It simply isn’t of this world. And I came here, to walk this walk from east to west, to let go of all of the beliefs that were no longer me.
It’s the purpose of this lifetime of mine, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I am fully Human, becoming aware to the truth that I am also fully God.
Will there be more tears? Yes says my humanness, and God also says, Yes! Embrace the tears, love them! Love all of it, for I am all of it!
And Jasmine says, bring it on, all of it.
All of the tests, all of the challenges, all of the opportunities to meet dead in the face all of the blocks that I have up to the awareness of God, to the awareness of Love.
Let’s clean house.
Bring it On Baby,
Oh and God, I’d like to negotiate a real sleeping bag though if I have to sleep outside again.
Wow. Time flies when your’e having fun. Or surprisingly it also flies when you are walking in the Valley endlessly day after day. After a very long 3 week interval after Peru of missing my kids, watching the Holidays pass by and feeling empty of all of my family routines and comforts, I was so happy for Dec 31 to arrive.
The night before me and Sabryna lie in bed and I could hardly sleep. I woke wake up and feel and hear ‘my team’ all around me. My team of God in various forms. Jesus, The Buddha, Mother Mary, and Arch Angel Michael. I could feel the hot vibrations of energetic upliftments pouring through every space and cell in my body as I lay there falling into the arms of the nonphysical. When the team works on me, it has become my favorite comfort during the day, although they especially do their thing at night.
Sabryna creaked her head my way in her blacked out bedroom.
I heard God whispering about you all night.
I know, they were working on me, preparing me.
Gosh her God listening skills had quadrupled in just a few short months. I couldn’t help but feel like a proud Momma.
The following day, I said my Goodbyes as we arrived at Olympic and Lincoln, the start of route 66. As I hugged Sabryna through her sobs, we both knew the world was about to become a very different place in a very short amount of time. We both knew how different everything would be once we saw each other again.
I step foot on the path just as the sun was setting on New Years Eve. For the first time, I felt a little nervous. It was the same feeling I felt when I drove in the middle of the night with a trailer hitched with my 3 kids in the back of my SUV, from Blackwood, Nj to California six years ago. The mystery in all of the unknowns of the new path that lay before me. There’s a natural nervous nelly feeling that develops under the skin, or at least my skin.
Route 66 was hard to get a hold of at the start of it in Santa Monica, so I just decided to start walking down Olympic and plug a route 66 address that would be several miles ahead. Then, and only then after I started walking did the Godvice instructions start.
Take breaks when you need to, but this first night, you will walk to Glendora.
I carefully popped into Mapquest the whereabouts to where Glendora was located. 40 miles from where I stood. My nerves disappeared in that moment, because at least I had my next set of instructions. Sure hard to walk continuously for almost 24 hours but, I knew me and I knew what the number 40 represented. For me, this was my 40 days and 40 nights, except mine was a 6-8 month walk across the country instead of a month in the desert, (although, I’d be hitting some desert of my own soon.)
Midnight came, as I arrived at some sketchy areas past Wilshire blvd.
This is it, Oh my Jazz, it is really here. 2020. Happy New Year.
Anytime I saw well lit front steps of a Church, I stopped to sit my sore butt cheeks down on the freezing cement. I was well aware how cold it could’ve been during the day and it’d been 70’s ever since I started, but with night time, it was now cold. Each time I stopped it was bitter suite. I’d feel the lactic acid build up finally catch up on my sore calves and quads. I was hurtin’ in places I didn’t know you could hurt, like my shins?
As the hours passed 1, 2, and finally 3am, I trudged along and I made the mistake of checking my cellphone to see how far. Except I checked too many times. The last 15 miles or so, were the hardest. Around 4 am, my teeth were chattering, and tears streamed down my face as I slowly staggered along Huntington Blvd.
God, I just need 30 minutes, an hour, I’m just so cold, I can’t walk anymore. I was in some bedroom community in the beginning of the Valley, not a single soul in sight. I came across a little dog park, on the backside of someone’s house, with a ledge that I thought might make me invisible underneath it if I scrunched down small enough in fetal position.
As I lay there, making my coat a pillow and hugging myself for warmth, I was not anywhere near sleep. I kept flashing to see visions of Jesus/Yeshua, standing there, half dead in the desert, thirsty, and tired but determined to rid himself of what did not serve his future journey. Somehow I thought my journey would be easier, and in some ways it was. Perfect time for some light conversation when you’re freezing, tired, and can’t move for a little while.
So lets compare our journey’s.
Oh,here we go.
So to share my message so blatantly in your world 2000 years agowould’ve been something you would’ve been killed for?
Well, I WAS killed remember?
Yes exactly my point. and now in 2020, I can at least speak freely, so your journey was harder than mine in that regard. You couldn’t be as forthcoming about your truth as I can now.
Yes but Jasmine, yours is more difficult in this way. Conditioning is much more potent at this time in the world. It wasn’t completely unordinary to do what I did 2000 years ago. To give up all of my possessions and follow the word of God and wander for 40 days. But in 2020, for a 33 year old woman to give up her ‘everything’ to follow the word of God and walk across the country is what people in todays world just don’t do. And it has to do with the sludge of attachments and thought systems, relationships, jobs, cars, houses, religion, status symbols (especially motherhood) etc that cover up the realization that the awareness of the truth of Heaven within the human being is to be still be awakened under the layers. Many in your day do not hear God speak to them, so someone who claims such a dramatic trek all on hearing the word of God, well it’s a foreign concept for most. So when it comes to level of difficulty, you could say it all evens out. The world is constantly evolving upwards and yet with that comes staggering conflicts and a birth of a new set of conflictsalong with it.Our journeys were equally as challenging based on the time in which the journeys took place my love.
I look down at the wedding ring on my hand that Yeshua told me to buy a day before leaving.
He said that day. It’s a symbol for you to look down at whenever you feel lonely, or like you’ve lost your way on your journey. He said. I give you this ring as a symbol of your commitment to your path and yourself. It is also a symbol of how much I love you and am with you every step of the way.
I hug my coat tighter. Well I’m not even sure why I asked to compare our journeys right now, I should’ve asked for some words of comfort.
45 minutes later, with tears still streaming down my face I pick my heavy noggin’ up.
Well sleeping isn’t working out too well, I guess I should get up now?
Yeah, that’s a good idea.
I stand up, and stagger on like the only survivor of a hard won war. Hours pass, And as the sun begins to rise between the mountains, I hit a little horse community called ‘Arcadia.’ It was like a scene from any movie. The purple and pink hues peaking through the leaves. Just me, the mountains, the birds and my very sore feet.
Feet. Damn you feet! Nice try. I got your number ego.
The ego’s tempts to distract me into suffering with bodily aches and pains.
It reminded me of Lesson 199 in the Course, I am not the body, I am free.
Oh ego, your temple is the body. duh!
The moment The aches and pains start, my mind chatter starts along with it and sounds something like.
Take a break.
You’ll never get there.
You’ll hurt something.
In the last 24 hours, when I bought the bait and focused on the body, for a glimpse I’d forget what all this is for.
“I am not a body. I am free. I hear the Voice that God has given me, and it is only this my mind obeys.” ACIM W-199
It’s now day 4 as I write this, (oh and I did make it to Glendora in one piece). I’ve continued to walk and stopped in San Bernardino for the day today.
There is something about that first night and how this all started. The challenges ahead will be there, but I can see the beginning stages of this journey are truly a continuation of the challenges within me.
The Kingdom of Heaven is within, and it is an inner battle to realize this truth, until it isn’t anymore. A part of me can’t wait till the battle is over, and there is no more struggle. And yet the larger part of me is deeply enjoying the ‘humaness’ of this whole process that I’m going through. The talking to God like God’s my buddy rather than me, sometimes I even enjoy whining to God I think. Overall, walking those 40 miles that first day and night, set the tone for what’s possible.
I’m now mid into day 4 resting in San Bernadino with a start time of 530 am tomorrow morning.
I imagine walking through the El Cajon jct is going to be an ‘interesting’ time.
You get the desert Yeshua and I’ll take the mountains and the desert.Team work.
This is a continuation of my previous blog post, that may make more sense to read before reading this one.
Final Ayhuasca Ceremony: Part 2
Now that I accepted the fate that lie before me, I felt a new whoosh of free space enter my mind. The story gets much lighter from here. In fact it becomes only light.
In the darkness, I now for the first time ask for help and yell from a voice I didn’t recognize.
He entered my energy wrapping his essence around my own. For the first time I was able to have a moment in this process to be the one being taken care of, or at least, it felt like the first time. I slumped over on my cot, my body conformed halfway in fetal position and halfway kneeling, and let him speak. With no words. From mind to mind, he runs through all of the scenes of everything that had happened over the last year, to give me his own, very personal, heart to heart validation. Like a checklist. Validation that was as sure as sure could be, but receiving the validation was overwhelming for my human body.
Finally it was time for him to silently nod and confirm as if I didn’t already know, my consciousness being of Mary Magdalene, his wife, and me being the responsible initiator for setting Yeshua’s original message straight.
Sobs so loud escaped me. Oh my God. It’s me, I have such a huge responsibility, Oh my God. I was immediately brought back to the same emotions that I thought I had mended on Aug 24 the night I found out about my responsibility of the Second Coming, but they were still there.
In receipt of the the news all over again, I allow for my body weaken, to crumble back onto the cot and I physically surrender to what was coming next, for at this point, I had figured out what the Grand Finale would be.
Are you ready to meet God fully Jasmine?
Are you ready, to become God fully Jasmine?
I lay back and immediately my soul exits my body, suspended well into the air. In the physical and emotional surrender, I see life, all of life, variations of my own life, on a panoramic screen with no beginning and end. The feel was encapsulated with much so with a soft, flowy, feminine energy. There were those same old timey’ Mickey Mouse movie clips flashing by again, but instead of one, there were in an infinite number of screens playing different scenes of my life, past, present and future. It was if these little scenes were collectively all melding and fluidly moving together, as if it made no sense to hone in and only focus in on one screen, or life movie one clip. They were all interwoven. Like a patchwork quilt waving in the wind, like a a flag on a pole outside of your grandma’s house.
Within these little mini movie patches, there were these miniature women dressed in bright colored, native clothing, but they didn’t look like women, they looked like the little dolls from the It’s a small world ride in Disney World. As they held each tapestry of life up on each screen, they sensed my fear.
You don’t need to do a thing but relax into this.The more you surrender, the less fear you bring with you into this experience.
They were so gentle with their words.
I’m not sure how much longer they continued dancing and twirling around, but then I felt my true essence expand outwards like a balloon with no ability to ever pop. The energy of God funneled around my body, and I felt the sensation of a whoosh that felt like the top of my head was missing, as the funnel of energy continued to rain down into my physical system. I felt one by one, my chakras awaken to receive the energy that continued now to expand and fill up the entire room. I had completely become total within the web of God and within the web, all other twenty something bodies in the room that I was experiencing all of this next to, were within this web. I could feel the unconditional pulsating love course through my heart along with a strong chord connecting each pulsating heart to mine in unison. It was clear, that there was only one of us in the room, and just now for the first time, I embodied that one in full.
In other news, back in ceremony, Sam, across from me, the guy that had the darker experience on the first part of the Ayahuasca ceremony, was still having his fits directly across the room.
And then I get a message.
Now you see what it feels like when your body becomes a temple for just me? Now I’m going to walk over there, and put my hands on Sam, if he lets me. All you have to do right now is completely surrender to the plan.
Now as the energy funneled and settled closer to my body, my human egoic consciousness was in the background, watching God completely in charge of my body. My egoic consciousness was now in the back seat as I watched God breathe me, and open my body’s eyes for me. God was fully the observer, and had now taken on the role of also being observer and the doer, by my willingness to take the backseat. I could see this fresh, naked awareness now as God stared down at my body, going through each body part as if God was playing with fingers, knees and elbows for the first time. Almost like sticking the soul of a newborn into a 33 year old’s body and asking them to now drive to work. Wow, whats a stick shift? You can hear the Newborn say.
I continue to watch as God becomes acquainted with my body.
Now I’ll take this leg and arm and prop the body up and slowly walk overtowards Sam.
It was as if there were two simultaneous viewpoints of perspective. One was mine, the human Jasmine as it pertains to space and time, and the other perspective was God’s. Then there were two screens running at the same time. The high energies of the God of me pulsated throughout the entire room on one screen. But simultaneously to that, I could feel the separated energy surges pulsating through others experiences in the room on the other screen. And with it was this easy, tantalizing temptation, you could call it the ego’s bait, trying desperately to get the higher energies of God to come down and join it in its, slower and lower vibrational energy.
Aha I thought. This is the Ego’s M.O. This is what it means to be tempted by the “devil”, the ego.In every moment you must make a choice to stay with the higher energies of God, because in space and time, all around you, you are surrounded by, not that. You are surrounded by the manifested separation of God.
To act and be as God is a MOMENT to MOMENT continuous CHOICE.
I always knew that but, Dayum. Now I knew it.
Now more messages.
Jasmine,Now we are going to go over and I will quietly ask Jake permission to help Sam.
God stands up my body up, and there were two distinct energetic circular waves, the wave that I described earlier, that expanded outwards towards the entire room. and then about seven feet around my body, a God force that was energetically like nothing I’d felt before. It was as if anything a person touched or spoken to within that seven feet vortex, would energetically turn to Gold, if they were willing to receive the energy of God within their human experience.
I turn to Jake, no nerves, but I could feel the slower, sluggish energy circulate around him and through him. I turn to him and put my arm around his shoulder so strongly feeling his energy that felt so far away from me.
I’m just here to help Sam, God’s here, its okay.
With a look of slight confusement Jake responds back with the same classic response that all of the facilitators had already rattled off to me before.
Please stay with your own experience, and go back to your mat.
As I turn, I immediately heard,
You see Jasmine when God is denied, when they don’t see you for who you are, you respect their free will.
Over and over this was repeated to the point where I was saying it out loud to anyone who would listen.
We are going back to your cot. All you can do is extend what you are tothem, if they deny you, you leave them alone and bless them to have their own experience.
It was all just so gentle. God didn’t feel rejected, or even sad that someone couldn’t see God clearly. There was only an unlimited reserve of care and compassion that came forth from God’s essence.
And Jasmine, this was the final prediction that I gave you remember?
What do you mean?
Well in the first ceremony, I told you to tell Jake that “God will show up at the end of theweek, remember?”Let me guess you weren’t expecting it to mean you!? After all this, you still expected something else outside of you to show up and physically manifest didn’t you? Of course it meant you!Duh
I lay back on my cot, generously almost cracking my head from the force.
Well I guess I was still expecting fireworks on the ceiling and chubby angels sent from the heavens to show up as part of the God experience.
We chuckle together me and God, me with me, God with God, me as God.
Now I knew the how behind the miracles that my body would be a vessel for over the months ahead. The God energy vortex around my body was a complete layer of protection, as long as I chose to stay in the highest God energies, I could easily run through a blazing fire to save someone without a scratch on me, or stop a Tsunami from destroying half of a city without breaking a nail. It all sounded so non casual and super hero-ish, and yet as I rattled it off at the mouth, I could see how none of this was an actually big deal. It was all natural effects to the being the cause. The causality of God would result in the rules of this world to completely disappear. It really was, an after effect to accepting the truth of what I was, which was…. God. God was bound by no-thing and it was NO-BIG-DEAL.
Nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exists.
I feel it. I get it. I am it.
Thanks for the manual big G, you know it was all I needed in order to do the dirty work. Just give me the flippin’ manual.
As I was beaming with gratitude, the next morning, I had a moment to love up the Shaman’s in a photo before the group went on our final adventure, Huachuma.
Huachuma’s Happy Ending
All relaxed and rested up from the night before, The next day brought a San Pedro/Huachuma ceremony in the wilderness. I watched the group I was with gleefully trudge along in the tall grass ahead of me I realized that in that exact moment, I had closed in on phase two of my journey.
And what was phase two?
I had won one battle within myself.
The battle of doubt, The battle of uncertainty, and from this elimination of doubt, the sacred feminine became pregnant with the power to give birth to the manifestations of all visions and information that I had become aware of over the last year.
It was time now to go into labor, and give birth. It was time for action. Personally Jasmine’s favorite part. Action, A lot of it.
I look around at the mountains looking too perfect to be real, clenching my phone and welcoming this new shift of phase three with open arms as my deep house music thudded in my eardrums making the whole scene come alive just a tad bit more.
I watched the group that I was with line up to march home in a single file line. I knew in a day, my march back home was a walk towards the beginning of the beginning. 2020 and all of the severe internal and external transitions about to take place.
In the last wee phases of stage two, I had watched my human death and accepted it fully, I had allowed all of God to flow through me fully realizing the infinity of it all. Because I’d come to know that, no one in truth was really dying. I always heard it, but now I knew it.
As I stared out the window on the plane ride home, still integrating all of what happened on that final night. More news came in.
Just like Yeshua, and yet with a different twist, I would die and rise again.
But the twist in what I saw was, I would get to stay for as long as I chose. And what I chose is to live out the rest of my physical life and have all of my old human dreams come true. It looked like in this vision would raise Lucy, I would watch my other kids grow up, and I would grow old with Judas. Not old old, but old enough. I had fully accepted the first alternative, that all of my human dreams would all go away, and be given up, but I was now invited to know the truth of what would actually occur. I would die as a human, resurrect, and but be born as God fully, and I could choose to stay.
As warm tears welled up, I’m thinking I’ve got no more fluid in me to shed a tear. They were Thank You tears. Thank you Shaman’s, Thank you Yeshua and Thank you God. And lastly, Thank you human me for my bravery.
Just like I had always read, and just like I was always told.
I gave up nothing, to gain everything.
I was willing to give up all of my human, and the Kingdom of Heaven more and more became mine as the days went by.