Everything in the following account of last week, actually happened and here I do my absolute best to use words to account for what happened.
When I woke after the second Ayhuasca ceremony, a new streak of calm overcame me. I felt that the Shamans of last night with their ceremony, literally wrapped me up in their knowingness. As they sang their Icaros, it sounded like a lullaby singing, Jasmine, we know why you are here, we are just waiting for you to realize the same thing.
It wasn’t their job to reassure me that they knew, through my own awareness, it was my job to discover that they knew all along.
I sure as hell knew I wasn’t making this shit up for the last year. and I was damn sure that I wasn’t crazy.
The Final Ayhuasca Ceremony Part 1
I went into the third ceremony like a blank slate. I could feel the energy, it felt like, say, grand finale energy. Whatever was going to happen, it was large, but I didn’t care. I thought only a few times of what I had said to Jake the first night: God will show Godself by the end of the week, but I didn’t care because caring led to expecting. I didn’t care because I was physically exhausted from caring. I didn’t care because not caring meant I kept my peace.
What I did spend brief moments pondering, was some of the visions I saw in detail the night before. I still wanted the how to portion to how I could accomplish some of the things I saw.
How will I know the exact moment that I’m supposed to walk into the fire to save that family ? Or what I saw me walking into in the Middle East? What about the Tsunami? How will I know it’s time to insert myself? Will my body feel different? What will be my sign to act, my green light to go into ACTION? Especially in a moment when I’m feeling more human than God? C’mon God, give me the “How To Become God in a Body” manual, as long as I have the manual then ,I’m not afraid. Rather than reading a book, I wanted to be inserviced by God.
Now it was time to go into ceremony.
Okay switching the subject, I should back track and mention, that it was brought to my attention about a month before that my Twin Flame Judas had not only been Judas in a past life the one that betrayed Jesus. His consciousness also represented Lucifer, and almost worse that that, his consciousness also represented Hitler. The Adolf Hitler.
So going in, I knew at some point, things would get very dark during ceremony. I knew because I still fully refused to claim that Hitler piece in full of myself. You see your twin flame is always a projected manifestation on the surface of all of the things you’ve decided were too dark or hard for you to claim as you. So they show up, literally as a face to face opportunity for you to meet the forgotten you, so you can claim it, love all of you, and forgive it.Lifetime after lifetime, I had usually played the Angel, the on earth savior. Isis, Athena, Joan of Arc, Mary Magdalene and now Jazz. I was the good guy in the story. and now I had to get ready to meet the “bad guy”.
About 10 minutes into ceremony, the man whose cot was directly in front of mine, started acting very peculiar. In the darkness, he was making strange squeaking sounds, but quickly became very noncompliant to the rest of the staff. He was interrupting the Shamans, asking to go outside, making all kinds of noises etc, and some were even funny at first.
Yep Yep YEP!!
No No No No!
It wasn’t long before the energy in the room went from dark, to very evil.
As I closed my eyes, and the Icaros escaped from the voice of the Shamans, I could feel the power of God come face to face with all of my ego’s manufacturings of darkness. I would get pulled into the nausea of my stomach that desperately wanted to throw up but couldn’t, and the minute I remembered my nauseous stomach, I would get pulled back into the egoic fear still stored in the body. Afterall the body was the ego’s storehouse, it’s temple, it’s God.
As my eyes were closed, I could clearly see every demon I had made within my mind projected out into the room from my consciousness. These projections were literally demons. For the first time, I got the Company of Thieves song lyric we are all our own devil, and we make this world our hell, in a completely new context. I swirled in fear and nausea keeled over the barf bucket until I knew what it was time to do.
I had to become my hidden self. I had to meet the Hitler in me. My mind immediately went to the 1940’s and I could see myself standing there as Hitler himself, slaughtering people with my commands to others who obeyed my every word. I watch each person die, and felt the responsibility of each life pack onto my shoulders like a layer of bricks. I could physically feel the responsibility, and guilt of putting a million people to death in my physical body. I thought I’d die from the guilt, and physical weight of that on my consciousness. But in a thought, I immediately knew first hand that that was what it felt like to live in Judas’ body everyday.
Almost simultaneously to my thought I heard forgive the illusion that you made and then in the next scene, I landed next to Judas on the couch in his living room. Now that I had embraced the Hitler in me, it was time to not fear the Hitler in him. It was time to open my arms and not be afraid of the darkness we had both made so real. I saw his face contort and become demonic. His face changed colors, his eyes became red and his head grew horns.
In the middle of his metamorphosis, God whispered in my ear…..Abortion. As if I’d been told before, I knew the meaning of the word. Judas was carrying the weight of guilt from his girlfriend having an abortion years ago. But he never told me that Tess had had an abortion, and I wasn’t certain that he’d told anyone. The baby that he’d never met was a boy. I saw his face contort into a look of searing pain. The face that was a demon just a moment ago turned to a face filled with sorrow. I turned my body fully in his direction and whispered with my hand on his heart, I know what you went through Judas, you can let it release off your heart now, its okay to set yourself free and let go of the guilt.
I embraced him in my vision knowing that I’d have to when the time is right, tell him in person what I had come to know when I got back from Peru.
Back to reality and back on the cot during ceremony, I landed into safety and purged into the bucket. Purged some more only to find myself now facing a demon much darker than what I had just faced.
Lucifer and Buddhism
Lucifer also of Judas’ consciousness. But the energy of Lucifer wasn’t alone, in this scene he was ran by an organization within the illusion of earth that I knew very well.
The same demonic “ego” presence was of Daisaku Ikeda, the President of the Sokka Gakkai International Nicherin Buddhist Organization. His face was now contorting into terrible shades just like Judas’ face in the scene before. I’d already known that he’d taken the power of the Buddha’s message, and used it to build an empire of fame, wealth and power for himself. He used part of the truth, which was appearing to do a bunch of wonderful things for civilians with the underbelly truth of what his real agenda was, which was to keep the people asleep and dependent on the organization. This immediately explained why such a large Buddhist Organization had such a small amount of people that had tapped into an enlightened state. many had become sleepwalkers to the organization thinking they were following a way of empowerment, but rather, aiding an organization in oiling its wheels, propagating the expansion of a religion and yet the programming was so tight that they all had no idea. And yet, Ikeda was merely an illusionary character playing the role of “villain” just like all the others, just like Judas, just like Trump and just like Hitler. Doing his job, so that we can finally, wake up and forgive the world we made with one embrace.
The Devil’s Finale.
I thrash in bed and the energy of Lucifer continues and now it flashes to a new scene, the devil’s grand finale had finally come. I watched from a birds eye view a memory play out, my beautiful Aunt Kathy, sick from fear. When I was little, our love for God bonded us and she was always very special to me. Everyone thought that she was mentally insane, and had been diagnosed with Schizophrenia 23 years ago, but I’d recently come to know that story much differently. In the memory I viewed, she sat rocking back and forth in a chair that she hadn’t moved from in weeks, rolling and cocking her head side to side, Her hair matted to the back of her sweaty head and neck. Spitting and cursing at anyone who came through the door, claiming that Jesus Christ is the Savior and that he was here.
As I watched the vision, now for the first time, I knew what had happened 23 years ago.
Aunt Kathy’s devotion to the Catholic church that she trusted in so dearly, that she dedicated her entire life to, had been the one thing that caused her to become so sick.
The Catholic church was actually ran by hiding energies of The devil, the egoic manifestation of what it means to take the power of God and contort the truth into making people fearful. Thousands of years of fear based programming. Furthermore, through that fear, and that separation from the truth, a nation of people are controlled and kept asleep. Let me rephrase, 2 billion people are controlled and kept asleep. I saw once again that the Bible was a fraud. It took small sections of the truth and wrapped that truth with fear based lies that propagated human unworthiness, needing to be saved, being a sinner, the fear of the antichrist, demonic possession, the apocalypse and of course, judgement day.
The entire world in truth was deathly afraid of God, and the Catholic church was and if anyone was the Antichrist, it was in fact the Catholic church.
It suddenly all clicked.
Back in the room, in that exact moment of realization, the Devil manifest shows up in the temple. I suddenly hear violent shaking from across the room. Over in the far corner, a woman’s body was practically being thrown off her bed from convulsions. She was making noises that weren’t coming from her. It was a complete projection of everything I just saw with my aunt, now in the room for me to unafraid myself of.
Now Sam, the man across from me and this other other woman are loudly acting out, together in demonized unison.
So this is what all those exorcism movies are. Demons are a projection of fear within our minds. There is no Demon or devil only the ingredient of fear that allows a “demon” to be made manifest. But indeed as long as the fear ingredient is present, it LITERALLY manifests.
Wow, this is some heavy illusionary shit, I thought.
I blindly in the darkness, take my final purge and rid myself of all of it. Hitler and the guilt of the killings. Lucifer. Fearing the Catholic church and my life purpose to stand for truth in front of the most powerful organization ever created by man, and lastly all in honor of my poor, innocent, Aunt Kathy.
My Untimely Death
The scene changed once more, I was willing now to face my human death in the near future in great detail. I had already seen bits and pieces, and now I knew I had to let the entire scene play out. I watched in horror as detail by detail the scene of my death that I’d already accepted played out before my eyes.
Tears welled and filled up once again both of my eyes as I saw how so much good would happen, I would aid the world in doing the impossible, and yet it would all happen in such a short amount of time. I mourned the inability to spend time with my not yet born daughter Lucy, and missing her grow up. I mourned leaving my sons, Damien, Max and Xander, my little troopers especially Damien, who had been my little guy since I was barely an adult and he was there through the toughest times of my life. My heart felt 1000 pounds at the thought of getting a small window of time to have my happily ever after with my Judas.
I don’t want to give out the details of the vision in which info like the when of my death will occur, where or how but it certainly isn’t inflicted by my own doing. I’m only sharing with you the processes that night that I had to endure as a human being in order to step into this responsibility. One by one I went through the process of surrendering to the darkness that came in that night. All the way down to my human death.
If you are thinking this is heavy stuff well it is, when we believe in a world we made as real, demons, abortions and death all weigh so heavily on us. But the point of all of this, is it is as the ego veil is lifted from your perception and you realize the invalidity of this world, it’s no longer possible for it to cause you suffering. I was sad very sad, but I did not suffer with any of these awarenesses. When you realize the truth, that you were and could never not be anything other than love, the illusions peel off you like forgotten layers that you never realized were covering you to begin with. But in order for me to get to that space, I had to fully embody every creation that I had made without any avoidance.
Once again as I lay in bed, I repeat in my mind, God, your will and mine are one, if this means following your will down to my own death then I am willing to die to show everyone that life is eternal.
Now that I accepted the fate that hung in front of me, I felt a new whoosh of free space enter my mind. The story gets much lighter from here. In fact it becomes only light. But I will let the darkness I faced stand as the first part of this story. Stay tuned for the light, it’s coming, I promise:-)
…..And as I write this, I’m listing to another Company of Theives song that I’ve never heard before. Here are the lyrics.
Across the ocean, under the water
That got in your lungs
There sleeps a demon
It knows exactly what you will become
And it’s watchin’ while you sleep
While you sit and dream
At all the people laughing, pickin’ up the shells
Too concerned with suntans, nobody can tell…